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Friday, June 30, 2006
u know what. I'm jumping mad. ok. people. stop backstabbing each other behind their backs. I'm really mad and angry. you know what. I HATE PPL WHO BACKSTABS and TALK BEHIND PEOPLE BACKS. Thank you. Understand this. simple. I've kept mumb abt this for 2 weeks I guess. I got to know some stuff here and there through people after church camp. Thank God. I didn't join them. I was sleeping in the room with cheryl and sharon. Thank you Lord. But I guess what hurts the most is that actually people do that. I'm sorry but yes. I detest them. sorry I guess I'm fuming mad and I'm using strong words. I guess I'm really disappointed again. :( this really horrible. what is this? well. I wonder don't you people get guilty ? who is God to you people. Is He invisible . I know He is. He watches you every second so how about that. stop all the backstabbing and there is much more things you can do. Go to the person you backstab and say sorry. MAKE UP WITH YOUR BROTHER AND SISTERS. says the LORD. that's the least you can do now. then dont do it again. irritating people. you people dont understand love your neighbour. Have all this gone down the drain. Do you people out there have the ROOTS. which I just learnt. Is that what God taught you ppl. No way! my God does not teach me this. so STOP it. And dont put a mask anymore. Which I used to. I took it down. You can do it too. Forgive. It's not going to be easy I know. Make it up with the person. That's something you people can do. Seems like another revelation for me. I was wondering why God gave me such a funny verse yesterday. ' Be ever hearing, but never understanding. Be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' Hope you people get this. you can see. but never perceive because it may not be right. ponder over it youths. i'm tired of this whole thing that caught my attention again. disappointed.
sigh. I wonder why is this world keeps going wrong. why why why ? I dont understand this. because it's inperfect. yea. it is. so tired of this faults I see. I want to leave again. Why things always turn out like that. God I just don't understand. I guess God Your ways are Higher than my ways. So naturally I wont know. Neither would I want to know anymore.
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Thursday, June 29, 2006
I know I should not be thinking of some things. But I can't.
I just want to go. I don't know.
To say church camp just ended. things fall back into place
It is still in place. still neat and organised but still I am still thinking of something that I should not be doing. simply. well. God, I wonder what is wrong with me. exasperated.
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I know I should not be thinking of some things. But I can't.
I just want to go. I don't know.
To say church camp just ended. things fall back into place
It is still in place. still neat and organised but still I am still thinking of something that I should not be doing. simply. well. God, I wonder what is wrong with me. exasperated.
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my left leg. is in pain. I can't walk properly certainly after 9 sets of 200m. I wonder how did the rest ever survive? but anyway. everyone's was tired out after 10 sets of 200m . I did 9 because I was late. well, I wonder why did I change without realising that I'm suppose to stop training. Because I guess I could not take training. I am so tired out and everything. I just wanted to stop. I guess, God has been waiting patiently for me. I don't want to let Him wait anymore. But I just do not know how to do it.
I guess God finally taught me not to look into faults which I've always look into. Which I ended up getting hurt.upset. Isaiah 7:9 Be ever hearing, but never understanding. Be ever seeing, but never perceiving. Quite hard to understand but I guess I know what God trying to tell me. Well God send me a question too. Whom shall I send And who will go for us? In that context was God and His angels. Well, I gave the answer Here am I, send me. If God wants me to do His work. Gladly I'll do it without asking doubting and does as He said. joyce is right. submitting a blank paper to God. It's the hardest thing for me ever. I have not been able to let go of school stuff. Like many things. anyway. I did a flash assignment today. started a new class called Flash Applications. I hope to do my own flash movie soon. :) can't wait. I guess getting in business not that bad at least there's some media stuff here and there.
thank you sinyi and joyce . I don't know what to say. what lovely sisters in christ both of you are to me :) Always there to support me. I guess, I should start playing guitar leisurely again. Haven't been playing for v.long. I want someone to teach me. haha. well I have basically Nic.wong who taught me first. Then came believer music coach then it was James in crusade. Now I'm just hanging there. I have in mind who I want to learn from. I wonder if that person will teach me.Well, I missed monthly sonic gathering. I feel like banging the wall. I want to go. don't ask me why, just a ministry that I'm uber curious with I just want to see how God works :) not that I doubt or anything. I just think this ministry is awesome. it's not a ministry that is easy, it requires a lot of prayer and there's a lot of spiritual warfare. alright. weekends are coming that makes me happy. I got to thank God. I have no econs Retest. That's amazing. big time. amazed. I didn't flung. it's like a wow. thank you God. taking the results. I could feel God with me there. I was praying and I was trembling at first someone else script was on top and I thought I flung. But I found my paper and of course I passed :) It's no longer about results. It's about life. because if everything is based on results life ain't worth living for. Good results so what. It cannot buy JOY. mugging like nerds. school not supposed to be like that. well as long u put in your best. And students enjoy studying. it's cool and awesome. No regrets of POLY life. I've been having fun and learn a lot of experiences. organising a race. It's not an easy job. If all the different I/Cs dont do their job , it will come to nothing. For me, school is the best !!
enjoy school. but of course do what God wants u to do :)
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006
my life is so different now. I dont like hanging out in school and stuff anymore. I've been longing to go home these 2 days when I started school. Because for ONE reason. FOR GOD. I want to spend what I have with God. I dont know. He's been with me. Thank you Saviour. Crushed to the broken pieces. Building these foundations are not easy. I've left so many things. I got to stop letting these routines of life bind me from MY GOD. He's too great and so loving to me. He's my BIG DADDY. I don't know. I've left things behind with God. I don't feel painful anymore. I don't know. It kind of weird but yup. I've left it there with God. No pain. All I want is God. ALL DAY. I want to be the BEST MEDIA ARTIST for God. But I do not know what I could do but I certainly won't deny He gave me this gift beside the other numerous small gifts. But what I can do is to humble myself and stop doing all earthly things and just be with God. I enjoy the Time I spend with God. Though I can't do 2 hrs of Quiet Time daily. But I'll strive. Maybe people out there thinks I'm like nuts but no way. Spending my time with God is better than anything. Because you'll walk with JOY. Because You'll always be reminded of God being there. God said He'll be there when 2 or more people is gathered in His name. I don't find it true. Haha. Not that His word is not true. When I'm alone He's presence can be felt. On the bus, in the classroom, the toilets, the room. Everywhere. God's everywhere and always with US!!! God you're too Great!! Lord if You really want me to leave Track can it drag till September is over ? abt 3 mths more. sigh. I'm really like lost with this. I want to listen to God and I want to run. right. I'm in a Y junction. I'm tired of those testings. Though I know. I have to. God will you give those tests at a slower pace. I need to adjust and adapt as well as cope. suprises and suprises. track and field. speak Lord. I'm here to listen to You.
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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Then You cameI want to say I love You
And all that You've done for me
I'll never understand it
Your sacriface to save me
Take what I have
I want to give it all away
Take my life
In light of who you are
Then you came and died for me
And You came to set me free
God has been great the past 3 days during sonicfest. These 2 weeks are my best weeks this year. Church camp and sonicfest. Pursuing God non-stop. I'm really glad. Look God came and died for me. He first LOVED me. sometimes, we worship Him as we have to lead worship like soon. Pray only when we are in TROUBLE. Read the word when we need the COMFORT. No God doesn't want this. What God wants is a CHILD of God. That stripped off of what you are. Whether you are a church leader or a pastor or whoever. God just want you REAL. No pretence. Just be you yourself. LOVE God. God loved us first. Do you still remember the first time God touched you ? I do. I cried. The last day of sonicfest conference night rally. Was my first time crying through the sermon. Listening to demetree said about his life and are we fake and in pretence and pride building up and ego? I guess. I pulled everything down. Demolished this tower of mine. Set it right. No serving it's alright. God just want you to walk with Him and Love Him. Sometimes, I realised if I ever sit down to read the bible. I find that I could not read His word. Because sometimes I'm greedy, I'll jump around the bible. Now I'm trying to hold His word in my heart by memorising verses. I guess. That's what God wants me to do. Sit and Listen LOVE him. Know Him. God has been with me the whole day. Feeling His presence around me everywhere I went. yup. I'm happy. God take my hand and walk me through this life you've given me. I know it's going to be hard. But God, teach me to put everything away. The hurt I feel it's still there. When I dont think about it. I'm fine. When I see it, the hurt is there waiting for me. I did said I'll speak to you. But I'm really not too sure if I really can do it. I'm tired. Lord take me by Your side and hopefully I'll just disappear with God. That'll be great. No more projects no more pain. take it all LORD.
then You came. this song. I learnt it at sonicfest. I don't know. The sonic edge ppl played it really well, inspire me to learn from 2 person there. Well, I'm still contemplating of going to monthly sonic gathering. I wonder.
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Thursday, June 22, 2006
One day, Christ entered your life. you want CHRIST to stay in your house forever. In a house there are many rooms. So you brought God around the house.
The Library.
It is the control room of the house. God went in, he saw every book magazines and there were stuff that aren't suppose to be there it was there. books magazines that is of no help in strengthening the relationship with God. In the room hung pictures of your imagines and thoughts of mind - these were shameful. you ask God to help you to clean it all up. So God dumped all things that were not good, helpful, pure, true things away and He filled the Library with scriptures. The books of the bible. He took away all the pictures of imaginations and thoughts and He knows it is hard to control these images and imagination. So God hung his picture. His potrait in the centre . When there is difficulty for this room so pack it full with the word of God, meditate upon it day and night.
The Dining room.
Now God and You are at the dining room. you told God you'll be very please by it. you sat with Him at the dining table. God asked what is the menu for dinner. you put all your favourite dishes what you like and all. But when the dishes came. God did not eat. you ask why do you not care about the food placed before you. God says if you want food that satisfies you then seek the will of the Father, not your pleasures, not your desires, not your own satisfaction.S eek to please God and that food will satisfy you. So God placed before you food that taste of doing God's will. It's a very special flavour.
Drawing Room.( sam.leo's favourite room )
this is a very intimate and comfortable room with like sofas and is very warm and cosy. God loves this room and said to you. Let us come here often. It is secluded and quiet so that we can have fellowship together. He promised to be in this room every morning and told you. Meet with me her and we will start the day together. you go to the drawing room day after day God will take a book from the library book case. one of the books of the bible. He would open it and read it together with you. God will tell you the riches and unfold you to the truths. You'll feel very warm and know how loving He is. It's also called a withdrawing room that you withdraw from the things of this world and pay attention to Him alone. But busy scheldules sets in. so You start to miss a day after day.. then one morning you remembered God then you walk pass the room and you saw God waiting there. God promised He'll wait so you asked God you've been here all these mornings. God said yes, He told you He'll be there. you remember your quiet time of the bible study, prayer time as a factor of your own spiritual progress but you have forgotten that this hour means something to the Lord. Christ died on calvary showed how much He loved you. God said do not neglect this hour if only for His sake . do it for Him. don't miss this hour. it's so important to God. - (sam.leo) I cried when i read this. He's waiting for me all these days. so you cant miss this time with God. He wait for you. alright:) what a great God.
The Workshop
God asked so what are you producing with your life for the Kingdom of God. you showed God what you've done. He asked could u have done better ? you said yes. God held your hands and gave you the HOLY SPIRIT. He said the holy spirit will control your hands and your heart and will work thru you.There is much more to learn to produce the product for God. Do not be discouraged because you cant do much for God. Your ability is not the fundamental condition. It is who is contolling your fingers and upon whom you are relying. give your talents and gifts to God and he will do things with them that will surprise you.
The Rumpus Room.(playroom)
you were hoping God will nt ask about this room because there was certain associations and friendships, activities and amusements that I wanted to keep for myself. I did not want God to know.there was one night you want to go say clubbing ? for example. God saw you going out and asked are you going out. you answered yes. then God said can He join you. but you put down God. you did not want Him to go. He said He thought going into this home meant He'll do everything together with you. when you were out there you felt guilty what a friend you are. you asked yourself why are you going out with friends and to places that you know you wont want to bring God to. So you brought God to this room of yours. And He transformed it. and you have real joy, real happiness, real satisfaction, real friendship. laughter and music have been ringing in the house forever since.
The Hall closet
God was waiting for you when you went home. He had an arresting look in His eye. He said that there is this peculiar odour in the house.There is something dead around here. God said. He said it was upstairs.in the hall closet. you immediately know what He is talking about. The small hall closet was locked with a key. and you have the key. and you don't want anybody to know about and certainly did not want Christ to see. you know but yet u like to keep them and you wanted them for yourself. the odour become stronger stronger then God pointed at the closet and said it's in there. some dead thing. God went in all the rooms. you become selfish and said this is too much and that you will not give God the key. God became angry and said if you think I can put up with this that you're hiding he'll walk out. so He went down and getting all packed to go. then you regretted and handed over the key to God. You told God to clean up the closet for you. and said you have not got the strength to do it. God said He knows. He said just give me the key give me the authority to take care of this closet and I will. so you passed the key to God.God opened the closet and took out all the stuff rotting there and threw it away, cleansed the closet ( blood on calvary). And the closet is as good as new. clean and wonderful.
the end.
erm. these rooms above. I hope it speaks to you. it spoke a lot to me. very meaningful. yup. this is like post of the year or smth. it's my 301 post though hee. in this blog :) enjoy. you just have to Give this house to God :) He'll deal with it. Amen. :) I'm very tired to stay up so late to write such stuff. if it's good tag me . if you want to hear more of such things. tag me. haha. hee. ok. if you want the original copy. i can photocopy for u. just let me know. email, msn, handphone, call, sms, telephone. whatever that is. alright. lastly
SonicFest 2006.
erm. friend don't be disappointed or anything yea. because God is working. I've never been hit so hard once more. by speakers. at least u set thru 2. I set thru 3. they speaks. they are sent by God. so listen to God. ask Him for He knows what is right for you. then you do whatever he tells you. don't do anything till he answers. that's what i've got to say. just be patient and wait. Do not want you to be like what i've done. I've realised my mistake and God give me the answer. so wait for God.
WHAT I'VE LEARNT
1. Roots. Do you have roots. Do you know who you yourself really are ? what are you doing on earth for ? I can say I have roots. but I'm certain my roots are not strong. I need to work on it with God. So hope you ppl will look into the issue of your own roots.
2. It's not about bringing people to Christ. Yes, it is an issue. In matt 28:18-20 says Make disciples of all nation. alright DISCIPLES. ok. the 12 disciples. we bring people to Christ. yes we do. but we have to disciple them. to mentor them to walk with God. that's right isn't it. if we don't disciple them. they won't have a strong foundation. because they are newborn babies.
I seriously think God's word is amazing. I memorised this verse like long ago. then it's like i see. it's not about bringing friends to church and accept CHRIST. it's about taking care of them u know. I simply miss that word DISCIPLE out. I'm sorry Lord. yea. It's about making a disciple. But I'm happy I learn something new and got rid a mistake I've made.
actually loads more I've learnt. Share again another day. There is ONLY ONE AMAZING GOD. THAT's JESUS CHRIST. yea. He's a big Dad a great Dad and your best friend. :) this post I took 2 hours. that means I finished at 2.09 a.m
My glorious
God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world will live
God will save the day
And all will see
My glorious
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I am happy tonight that I can tell you that. I re dedicated my life to God. my whole life. I gave everything. I've left everything behind to God. He take it all. God is a wonderful amazing God. He will never let go when you have a tough time. I took the step to set things right with God. I went up for altar call. At first, there was uncertainty of what I was doing. I just want to put things right with God. I just want God to know that no matter what I'm doing is going to be for Him. I guess I just want to lead a normal life. A life with no pain no worries no nothing. I'm very encouraged by the worship and the church itself. Because they obeyed God. They did reductionism whatever it is. Sonicfestival was a big big event and there will be a lot of loud music, light and all. But this year all have been reduced to as small it can be. I am very glad to have such brothers sisters in Christ who listened to God and did as He said. As for me. It took me 1 year or more. to listen to what He says. to do what He says. well quotes I wrote down from the preaching . It is quite random. but yes.
It's not about starting well
But finishing well.
You may have started really well really very very well. But if you can't finish this race for God. It'll all be nothing. sigh. there's a line in a song that touch me . I cant remember something like You said, do it and don't delay. Do what God says and don't delay. because you'll regret. definitely. for a year I guess. i didn't do what he says without delay. now I finally done it after church camp. I'm relieved. because I understand how much God loves me. I can't give up again.
I can't give up on my life that He gave me once more. How painful it is . it still is. but yes. rahs staying over tml at my place. that's great to have sleepovers sometimes. when you share your life and all. she promised to go for the rally tml. because she also went forward for altar call. I'm leaving you people with this. a line that chris tomlin sang.
God You're Bigger than the air I breathe
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I shared my testimony with a track friend. I'm thinking of inviting all of them for cheryl's run. keep my friends in prayer. because if my whole track team turn up. it's quite big yup. :) ok. sonicfest say about 2 hours away. alright. I guess, God is right. What He said was right. seek Him. matt 6:33 oh yes. I'm planning after poly life already. heh. aren't i fast. I want to do graphic design that's it. I've been tolerating it. Dad , Mum. You know I love designing. You two see it everyone knows I've a passion for that. Please. give me the green light. But I promise you finish my poly I'll go ok. I think raffles design institue not bad. It's not about raffles the name ok. Because this school focus on design soley. I am going in that. Be a creative designer and all. that's a calling from God to serve him in that area. seriously I did not want to study anymore. haha. just do art. because that's a passion I can't kick off. because I'll still pick up pen and paper and start drawing.alright. nathan later I'll write about the different rooms of God. that He wants us to have and to tidy all the room up. so check that later. I LOVE that article from my mentor. She's cool, young and understand me well too well. woo. haha. she told me, she wanted to tell me to leave youth cell too because she thinks doing design by project basis is something God may want me to do. I guess. that's that. thank you my God above. check back in the night. bye.
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I'm lying if I ever said I'm ok I'm fine. I just met my mentor at sakae sushi which is 5 - 8 mins from my house. I told her everything. I've been hiding. thank God. I didn't cry. phew. then she told me about herself what she been thru something like mine. But yes, i can feel her pain too. thank you sinyi. thank you for being there and you understand. I'm here for you too :) so don't be upset too. we could be praying partners. :) thank you my mentor. if I didn't tell you. I'll be even worse. some things is going to be painful so be it. what I must do I have to do. that's all. after this period. I'll be fine. :)
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things just aren't getting better. don't know why. because I've been saying tons of dunnos to everybody. to avoid the issue. well. things just go back on the same way as it was before. i read thru the msgs i have left in my phone. won't say anything. I'm just going to run away from some things I guess. that is the best alternative. sometime it is hard to keep it to yourself but some things it's just not meant to be shared. I don't know why. But keeping it feels better and God knows it better too.
My Saviour My God by Aaron Shust
My Saviour loves
My Saviour lives
My Saviour always there for me
My God He was
My God He is
My God is always gonna be
I listened to it in the radio again. listening loads of christian music. a lot of other artist like the Third call, aaron shust, lincoln brewster, the turning and many many more.I like this song. When I heard this song. I was like wow. The chorus. I wrote down the chorus. one thing I admit. I don't like praying. haha. many people know that. but I always pick up my guitar and seems like music and words combined. I sang to Lord what my heart has to tell him. the words become lyrics of a song. I've been doing that for quite some time. I can sing anything I want to tell God and what I want to pray for. Even Psalms. I guess. gotta thank my Guitar coach at believer. singing Psalms. sometimes, I can do so much things. God gives me so much so much. I ask God to take me Home. He said He would. I was like great. I don't want to stay on because sometimes taking one small step is hard. my dearest cell. shawn, serene, eudora, weien, don, actro, gabriel, sophia.. I do not know what to tell you people. I love you and I have not given up on you people alright. If it is His will for me, I will be back. Don't feel sad or anything. you have my number and my msn and everything ya. i'm a call, msg away. you know. just msn me call me and whatever even when you are sad, bored, tired, happy and everything. I'll be there yup. a few people asked me about prayer meeting. I will post again about that later on. off. disappeared.
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Love the Lord - Lincoln brewsterI will love You Lord With all my heartWith all my soulWith all my mindWith all my strengthI've been listening all night to christian radio. klove. whatever that is. I always loved this song. but ben ben doesn't want to lend me. because I will copy the cd or rip tracks. because I'll always do this. But still I manage to get hold of this track called love the Lord. that's the whole song basically. 5 lines. I'm impressed. lincoln brewster's songs are amazing. It's all written with a heart that wants to draw so close to God. I thank God for his songs. well, things that I've been feeling hurt have been locked in this heart of mine and buried in my heart. I'm not going to think about it anymore. it'll only cause hurt. didn't go for familyhood with crusade today. because I knew I could not. so sinyi like ask me what can she pray for me. I told her for me to cheer up and I can't remember. so nice of her. she's in my DG. my DG will be so fun. haha and she ask why sam sad sad one. then i was like don't know. then she said she'll pray for me to be happy happy. I guess. crusade seems more like a family to me. because I don't know. I feel more comfortable with them. I don't know why either. they'll ask how are u. what you doing and all. one more thing. haha. they painted my finger nails for me once. uber cool. I like it. really like family haha. they are so nice. hee. when I leave school. I'll be so sad. but still one and a half years to go. as for track and field. I'm stepping down after this year. I have like make my president so sad. I bet. not going for trainings. but this is my last time. I'm going to do it. whack them down. I'll run that I'll fly. IVP track and field is in my school. that's the best part. it meant dunking ppl at steeple chase, eating at KAP, staying over in school. I know it is that dumb . But I guess, when the team works hard you can see the spirit. I miss my coach. haha. so weird. he's like a grandpa to me hee. he will teach u the hard way of doing 400m 5 sets and above at 70 plus all the usual stuff. as usual.. I miss last year team. school is starting. blue track just gotta wait. next monday. I'll be there. I promise. :)
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Monday, June 19, 2006
this is my 4th post of the day. roamed with sarah at Jurong point for quite a long while. wanted to tell her all that I wanted. my mouth and heart didn't coordinate well I guess. things that wanted to be said. I kept it with me. It's still with me here. no one knows. only God knows. I'm running away from everyone. I cannot explain it too. Don't understand why I'm feeling like that. I watched She's the man. nice one there. sorry people who watched. I utter so few words. every reply and sentence I spoke are all less than 10 words. I'm so sorry.
I like to roam around. I love to walk past many people when I'm alone. When I do this, meant I'm thinking a lot. have thought a lot. feels sad and upset and all. that's what I always do. When I go places alone. That really mean I'm tired, so tired, people pass me by. I should not be feeling like that. 1 more day to sonicfestival. I get to see some friends I got to know last year. The way they do things and all. so wonderful. yup. ok. I must get pass it.
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this is my 3rd post in a day. sigh. dont know why I'm like that again. but I need to get away for a while. I should just go on my journey again. I love to roam the streets alone. Thinking about everything. sit down somewhere and stone. I feel really happy like that. because I am myself right at that moment of time. do not need to be in pretence with this world. because it's quite hard sometimes. it seems I'm back at the same spot. maybe I'm just afraid. but nothing to be afraid. when I'm alone. God is with me. He gave me that vision. Even I walk alone, He is right there with me.
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The Father's love letter.You may not knoe me, but I know everything about you. - Psalm 139:1I know when you sit down and when you rise up- Psalm 139:2I am familiar from all of your ways - Psalm 139:3Even the very hairs on my head are numbered - Matt 10:29-31For You were made in my image- Genesis 1:27In me you live and move and have your being - Acts 17:28For you are my offspring-Acts 17:28I knew you even before you were conceived - Jeremiah 1:4-5I chose you when I planned creation - Ephesians 1:11-12You were not a mistake , for all of your days are written in my book- Psalm 139:15-16I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live - Acts 17:26You are fearfully and wonderfully made- Psalm 139:14I knit you together in your mother's womb- Psalm 139:13And brought you forth on the day you were born - Psalm 71:6I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me- John 8:41-44I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love - 1 John 4:16And it is my desire to lavish my love on you - 1 John 3:1Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. - 1 John 3:1I offer you more than your earthly father ever could - Matthew 7:11For I am the perfect Father - Matthew 5:8Every good gift you receive comes from my hand - James 1:17For I am your provider and I meet all your needs - Matthew 6:31-33My plan for your future has always been filled with HOPE. Jeremiah 29:11Because I love you with an everlasting love - Jeremiah 31:3My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore - Psalm 139:17-18And I rejoice over you with singing - Zephaniah 3:17I will never stop doing good to you - Jeremiah32:40For you are my treasured posssession - Exodus 19:5I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul - Jeremiah 32:41And I want to show you great and marvelous things - Jeremiah 33:3If you seek me with all your hear, you will find me - Deuteronomy 4:29Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart - Psalm 37:4For it is I who gave you those desires - Philippians 2:13I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine - Ephesians 3:20For I am your greatest encourager - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles - 2 corinthians 1:3-4When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you - Psalm 34:18As a sheperd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart - Isaiah 40:11One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes - Revelation 21:3-4I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus - John 17:23For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed - John 17:26He is the exact representation of my being - Hebrews 1:3He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. - Romas 8:31-32And to tell youthat I am not counting your sins - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you - 1 John 4:10I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love - Romans 8:31-32If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me - 1 John 2:23And nothing will ever separate you from my love again - Romans 8:38-39Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen - Luke 15:7I have always been Father, and will always be Father - Ephesians 3:14-15My question is ~ Will you be my child? - John 1:12-13I am waiting for you - Luke 15:11-32Love your Dad, Almight GodEven though I forgot to thank Him for Father's day. I'm sorry Lord. things have been flashing like some time machine. the pain I feel. the brave front I'm putting which actually I'm not at all strong. But God, You know. I'm standing firm and I will never deny you are Christ.my heart feels heavy and burdened. and dreams have been coming to me lately. so weird but I don't understand. I guess yesterday was funny. catching the train, running up the stairs. haha. julian me john and sam.w .. sam.w have no reason to run with us for the train, but he ran with us with his wife called gibson. haha. super funny. but I guess life is a pain. I don't know. something is just pressing me down. and hate this feeling. God, help me :) Thank you. God this letter did not came by chance thank you Lord for everything you've given. thank you Lord.
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actually. i have no idea what is happening to me again. sometimes, things just come out one after another. simply one after another. I'm feeling the pain again. till now, only God you know. only You God. recently, I'm like going up and down. sometimes really high up there and low down there. I meant my emotions. For God. it's always high up there. just quite sad about how life goes. don't know why either. all I know. I'm going for sonicfest. God I trust that you heal me there of my hurts. because I'm really happy because God knows. He brought me there for a reason since last year till now. I've never forget about this. I don't know why either. He's going to give me a suprise like He did last year. Fort canning worshipping God. I could feel His presence. I was perspiring like so much. with one guitar and a worship leader we prayed and worshipped God. I still remember uncle sonic. a blessing indeed. thanks! I've let go of buying the guitars like I think it is stupid. because it's not His will for me to buy it. I will not buy it. Bless God.
Things I want NOW.
1. The Message Bible
2. The Amplified Bible
3. Apple Laptop - if God is willing ( to do design work)
I thank God for my wonderful parents. Actually, I treated my house I felt like a hotel. I've realised and I try to spend more time with them and talk to them. I guess, God gave me this family. I got to treasure it. I'm not going to worry about anything anymore. whatever hurt I'm feeling. take it all.
Things I want to do at the end of this year
1. memorise 50 verses from my bible
2. read 5 books by the end of this year
3. Faith and trust in my friends
don't dare to set anymore. just these 3 for this year will make me hard enough. I do not know why, but I feel God is taking me away in a way or another. I don't know. I feel very swept away. I feel everyone is a stranger. i do not know. But I keep feeling I'm leaving this earth very soon. I do not know how soon. But I'm trusting my God. For my God is so big. I've started with my long story. basically my mind is very messed up. God clear it all up Father I pray in Jesus name, AMEN! but I guess what to thank God for the camp You turned my UNIVERSE around. AMEN! I'm off to bed for now. the long story have just began.
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Friday, June 16, 2006
my life have changed have you? about that story. i will start with it soon. because utterly long. a lot of things happened. I guess, everyone have been guessing and asking. But have no idea who that friend was. ok. erm. I decided not to reveal it still. though many know. Alright. I can tell you something. If i were to die for christ now. I will. 100% no doubt. because I've been walking with Him. He's too amazing. He love me too much too much. I've understood what is pain. the pain we have can't equal to the pain God felt. When we His children sins. He is hurt. When His children disappoints and all. He feels it. I know he does. But He forgave. That's how great God is. certainly.
to the friend, thank you so much that you still forgave me though I told you nasty things somehow when I lost hope and so angry and irritated. I lost faith in you, seriously but now, I guess i still have faith in you and hope. it's increasing. that includes all of my friends. painful experience. but it was certainly a test of friendship.one more thing. the friend that I asked God for is you. thanks. because I don't like to be in a big group of friends and go rarara. thanks a million friend. our lives have been changed. no doubt.I will think of more. then I write ok. I have not write all ok? haha.last night, I dug my 6 journals from 2004 till today. I like to write. don't u think so.. haha. I love to write about life what God says. I've strayed away from God countless times. too many times. haven't really read thru. because very lazy to do it.. because it's like many pages and I write long entries. from sadness joyfulness to God speaking to me to visions and the gifting he gave. I actually told God I did not want that gifting. because I cant tell why is it there for me. because knowing about future is horrible. I don't want. because I know what ppl going to say. what I think of it'll happen. It's what I'm going through. but the vision class. says it all. because I'm really going crazy i thought. sometimes when i say something to God. there'll be a reply many times. Only some times no reply. like it generates i don't know how. i ask God replies. He's not my best friend i would say. He's my father, tell me what to do and all. He knows i hate praying. because lalala. i'm busy bumble bee. but now, i just have to book the room to pray every night. because I just have to pray. another thing. I'M on a 3 mths break from Youth ministry. That means for once, I can sit and listen to what God says. because it's no longer what I want but what God wants. this fact, people u need to know. If you do not have joy serving the Lord. It meant something wrong. I've been not joyful for 1 and a half years. I guess this break will allow me to seek what God wants and not what I want. Because I like and I want, I went to serve God. Ask and did not wait for His answer. Someone taught me before. God does not need you to serve Him. He is God. He wants His children to sit and listen to Him. He only desires that you Love Him. If you want to serve Him. He wants you to serve wholeheartedly and with joy. yup. basically charissa, if you're reading this. Your name appeared in my journal because during cell, Zec said write someone u may want to know better in the goals. so I put your name down don't know why. random.alright. As for another thing. when sharon goes back to the room. I didn't want to go. Then i was like going to the toilet. God says turn back. Ok fine. I turn back. He says go in and pray. So i sat down and ask what am I going to pray for. The cell. I was like the cell? of all things. why cell ? ok. so I start praying. then that night for cell, I'm super happy. because I saw so many lives changed. this post is so long. but my story my testimony is even longer. :) . soon I promise. I will write what God did. what happened to me. yup. that's all.
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
i wonder what was right and what was wrong. i wonder. is our friendship so fragile. that when something happens it'll be broken. I guess it did. And it have. because it's a fact. This friendship is no longer one. when one is giving in. but the other refused to. so the conflict came in. I just want you to know I've not blamed you for worship neither do I blame you for what you promised. i blame myself for that why could not I think it was just because of someone's initiative to help. it only occur to me you did not kept your promise. that's all that I blamed for not keeping to what you said which actually was even not your fault.because it was mine from the start. so many things i asked of you. for we man can't do things. because only God can. what I can say is. You're feeling all that you wrote. do you think how much better I am feeling. being drawn back from people. do you ever know. even when I disappeared for quite a while. does anyone ever know. where was I? no one ever knows. because no one ever cared. what a test that I tried. when I came back then people realised I was missing. when i was missing. does anyone realised. nope. they do not. they do not know. they just don't understand how it feels like.I've changed. i admit i did drastically. caused by hurts and pains. this friendship have came to the end. so does this blog. it has stopped. run is all i've got now.
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i've nothing left to say.
watch cars.
understand friendship.
all that i'm left to say.
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Got God?
I guess. I tried to postpone this camp. because it was not like Godly or something. Because all that we did we did not tell God. we did not let go and let God. But I guess when we Let go and Let God. Life changes. I was upset. really sad about a lot of things. But no longer. I'm smiling once again. Thank God. it's been so long. Got God? I have. alright. amazing things happened. No coincidence alright. I was worried so worried on thursday night wondering how to get to school by 8 a.m when I am in Sentosa. That's nutz. Because I got a test on a sat morning when the camp is held. I was like so worried. Prayed. On fri night in the midst of revision. Guess who came. Xuexin. woah. He's the cyclist which meant the road genius. :) I asked him and he drawn a map for me. Thanks ya. So i manage to get to the bus area. Then not just that. I thought LT 22 still have to walk quite far. Then joyce told me. camen's dad fetching us from the mrt to school. right to the door. I was like :) . What's more. I finished the paper within 30 to 40 mins. We could only leave after an hour. I was like. so fast. Thank God. Then yesterday was Electronic Commerce. I was so screwed the night before. I didn't study. tried cramming in everything. of course, it didn't get through definitely. I decided to just trust God. No one walked me out the next morning but as I walked, I was quite worried or scared. something somehow. then alongside me came a Rasa Sentosa bus. then the bus driver like. u walking out ? do you want a lift. I was like alright. I wonder why I did that. But I guess no such coincidence. right. so I got a free ride to the mrt. well I didn't screw my paper. I have faith I'll pass. at least.God is amazing.
Far more than that was,that I let go and worship God. It's been really hard for me these days to worship God. As, I'm concern about music VS worship. I was afraid that it would be music and not worship. But I guess. This time is really letting go. One of the night. I was so angry pissed and whatsoever. didn't talk. didn't say anything. because I lost faith again. I was so sad the whole night till the morning. I didn't talk at all. Because I believed. worship can be done even with just the voices of God's people. But I didn't utter anything else. Half way through praise I left. dont ask me why. prayer. loads abt prayer especially the room key. we prayed and ting! the key is found. sounds so magical. laughs. Got God? to those who's been to Got God? great time with God and you ppl had fun too right :)
- let go. let God.
want to print T shirt ? haha. just a random idea of mine.
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Friday, June 30, 2006
u know what. I'm jumping mad. ok. people. stop backstabbing each other behind their backs. I'm really mad and angry. you know what. I HATE PPL WHO BACKSTABS and TALK BEHIND PEOPLE BACKS. Thank you. Understand this. simple. I've kept mumb abt this for 2 weeks I guess. I got to know some stuff here and there through people after church camp. Thank God. I didn't join them. I was sleeping in the room with cheryl and sharon. Thank you Lord. But I guess what hurts the most is that actually people do that. I'm sorry but yes. I detest them. sorry I guess I'm fuming mad and I'm using strong words. I guess I'm really disappointed again. :( this really horrible. what is this? well. I wonder don't you people get guilty ? who is God to you people. Is He invisible . I know He is. He watches you every second so how about that. stop all the backstabbing and there is much more things you can do. Go to the person you backstab and say sorry. MAKE UP WITH YOUR BROTHER AND SISTERS. says the LORD. that's the least you can do now. then dont do it again. irritating people. you people dont understand love your neighbour. Have all this gone down the drain. Do you people out there have the ROOTS. which I just learnt. Is that what God taught you ppl. No way! my God does not teach me this. so STOP it. And dont put a mask anymore. Which I used to. I took it down. You can do it too. Forgive. It's not going to be easy I know. Make it up with the person. That's something you people can do. Seems like another revelation for me. I was wondering why God gave me such a funny verse yesterday. ' Be ever hearing, but never understanding. Be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' Hope you people get this. you can see. but never perceive because it may not be right. ponder over it youths. i'm tired of this whole thing that caught my attention again. disappointed.
sigh. I wonder why is this world keeps going wrong. why why why ? I dont understand this. because it's inperfect. yea. it is. so tired of this faults I see. I want to leave again. Why things always turn out like that. God I just don't understand. I guess God Your ways are Higher than my ways. So naturally I wont know. Neither would I want to know anymore.
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Thursday, June 29, 2006
I know I should not be thinking of some things. But I can't.
I just want to go. I don't know.
To say church camp just ended. things fall back into place
It is still in place. still neat and organised but still I am still thinking of something that I should not be doing. simply. well. God, I wonder what is wrong with me. exasperated.
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I know I should not be thinking of some things. But I can't.
I just want to go. I don't know.
To say church camp just ended. things fall back into place
It is still in place. still neat and organised but still I am still thinking of something that I should not be doing. simply. well. God, I wonder what is wrong with me. exasperated.
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my left leg. is in pain. I can't walk properly certainly after 9 sets of 200m. I wonder how did the rest ever survive? but anyway. everyone's was tired out after 10 sets of 200m . I did 9 because I was late. well, I wonder why did I change without realising that I'm suppose to stop training. Because I guess I could not take training. I am so tired out and everything. I just wanted to stop. I guess, God has been waiting patiently for me. I don't want to let Him wait anymore. But I just do not know how to do it.
I guess God finally taught me not to look into faults which I've always look into. Which I ended up getting hurt.upset. Isaiah 7:9 Be ever hearing, but never understanding. Be ever seeing, but never perceiving. Quite hard to understand but I guess I know what God trying to tell me. Well God send me a question too. Whom shall I send And who will go for us? In that context was God and His angels. Well, I gave the answer Here am I, send me. If God wants me to do His work. Gladly I'll do it without asking doubting and does as He said. joyce is right. submitting a blank paper to God. It's the hardest thing for me ever. I have not been able to let go of school stuff. Like many things. anyway. I did a flash assignment today. started a new class called Flash Applications. I hope to do my own flash movie soon. :) can't wait. I guess getting in business not that bad at least there's some media stuff here and there.
thank you sinyi and joyce . I don't know what to say. what lovely sisters in christ both of you are to me :) Always there to support me. I guess, I should start playing guitar leisurely again. Haven't been playing for v.long. I want someone to teach me. haha. well I have basically Nic.wong who taught me first. Then came believer music coach then it was James in crusade. Now I'm just hanging there. I have in mind who I want to learn from. I wonder if that person will teach me.Well, I missed monthly sonic gathering. I feel like banging the wall. I want to go. don't ask me why, just a ministry that I'm uber curious with I just want to see how God works :) not that I doubt or anything. I just think this ministry is awesome. it's not a ministry that is easy, it requires a lot of prayer and there's a lot of spiritual warfare. alright. weekends are coming that makes me happy. I got to thank God. I have no econs Retest. That's amazing. big time. amazed. I didn't flung. it's like a wow. thank you God. taking the results. I could feel God with me there. I was praying and I was trembling at first someone else script was on top and I thought I flung. But I found my paper and of course I passed :) It's no longer about results. It's about life. because if everything is based on results life ain't worth living for. Good results so what. It cannot buy JOY. mugging like nerds. school not supposed to be like that. well as long u put in your best. And students enjoy studying. it's cool and awesome. No regrets of POLY life. I've been having fun and learn a lot of experiences. organising a race. It's not an easy job. If all the different I/Cs dont do their job , it will come to nothing. For me, school is the best !!
enjoy school. but of course do what God wants u to do :)
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006
my life is so different now. I dont like hanging out in school and stuff anymore. I've been longing to go home these 2 days when I started school. Because for ONE reason. FOR GOD. I want to spend what I have with God. I dont know. He's been with me. Thank you Saviour. Crushed to the broken pieces. Building these foundations are not easy. I've left so many things. I got to stop letting these routines of life bind me from MY GOD. He's too great and so loving to me. He's my BIG DADDY. I don't know. I've left things behind with God. I don't feel painful anymore. I don't know. It kind of weird but yup. I've left it there with God. No pain. All I want is God. ALL DAY. I want to be the BEST MEDIA ARTIST for God. But I do not know what I could do but I certainly won't deny He gave me this gift beside the other numerous small gifts. But what I can do is to humble myself and stop doing all earthly things and just be with God. I enjoy the Time I spend with God. Though I can't do 2 hrs of Quiet Time daily. But I'll strive. Maybe people out there thinks I'm like nuts but no way. Spending my time with God is better than anything. Because you'll walk with JOY. Because You'll always be reminded of God being there. God said He'll be there when 2 or more people is gathered in His name. I don't find it true. Haha. Not that His word is not true. When I'm alone He's presence can be felt. On the bus, in the classroom, the toilets, the room. Everywhere. God's everywhere and always with US!!! God you're too Great!! Lord if You really want me to leave Track can it drag till September is over ? abt 3 mths more. sigh. I'm really like lost with this. I want to listen to God and I want to run. right. I'm in a Y junction. I'm tired of those testings. Though I know. I have to. God will you give those tests at a slower pace. I need to adjust and adapt as well as cope. suprises and suprises. track and field. speak Lord. I'm here to listen to You.
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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Then You cameI want to say I love You
And all that You've done for me
I'll never understand it
Your sacriface to save me
Take what I have
I want to give it all away
Take my life
In light of who you are
Then you came and died for me
And You came to set me free
God has been great the past 3 days during sonicfest. These 2 weeks are my best weeks this year. Church camp and sonicfest. Pursuing God non-stop. I'm really glad. Look God came and died for me. He first LOVED me. sometimes, we worship Him as we have to lead worship like soon. Pray only when we are in TROUBLE. Read the word when we need the COMFORT. No God doesn't want this. What God wants is a CHILD of God. That stripped off of what you are. Whether you are a church leader or a pastor or whoever. God just want you REAL. No pretence. Just be you yourself. LOVE God. God loved us first. Do you still remember the first time God touched you ? I do. I cried. The last day of sonicfest conference night rally. Was my first time crying through the sermon. Listening to demetree said about his life and are we fake and in pretence and pride building up and ego? I guess. I pulled everything down. Demolished this tower of mine. Set it right. No serving it's alright. God just want you to walk with Him and Love Him. Sometimes, I realised if I ever sit down to read the bible. I find that I could not read His word. Because sometimes I'm greedy, I'll jump around the bible. Now I'm trying to hold His word in my heart by memorising verses. I guess. That's what God wants me to do. Sit and Listen LOVE him. Know Him. God has been with me the whole day. Feeling His presence around me everywhere I went. yup. I'm happy. God take my hand and walk me through this life you've given me. I know it's going to be hard. But God, teach me to put everything away. The hurt I feel it's still there. When I dont think about it. I'm fine. When I see it, the hurt is there waiting for me. I did said I'll speak to you. But I'm really not too sure if I really can do it. I'm tired. Lord take me by Your side and hopefully I'll just disappear with God. That'll be great. No more projects no more pain. take it all LORD.
then You came. this song. I learnt it at sonicfest. I don't know. The sonic edge ppl played it really well, inspire me to learn from 2 person there. Well, I'm still contemplating of going to monthly sonic gathering. I wonder.
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Thursday, June 22, 2006
One day, Christ entered your life. you want CHRIST to stay in your house forever. In a house there are many rooms. So you brought God around the house.
The Library.
It is the control room of the house. God went in, he saw every book magazines and there were stuff that aren't suppose to be there it was there. books magazines that is of no help in strengthening the relationship with God. In the room hung pictures of your imagines and thoughts of mind - these were shameful. you ask God to help you to clean it all up. So God dumped all things that were not good, helpful, pure, true things away and He filled the Library with scriptures. The books of the bible. He took away all the pictures of imaginations and thoughts and He knows it is hard to control these images and imagination. So God hung his picture. His potrait in the centre . When there is difficulty for this room so pack it full with the word of God, meditate upon it day and night.
The Dining room.
Now God and You are at the dining room. you told God you'll be very please by it. you sat with Him at the dining table. God asked what is the menu for dinner. you put all your favourite dishes what you like and all. But when the dishes came. God did not eat. you ask why do you not care about the food placed before you. God says if you want food that satisfies you then seek the will of the Father, not your pleasures, not your desires, not your own satisfaction.S eek to please God and that food will satisfy you. So God placed before you food that taste of doing God's will. It's a very special flavour.
Drawing Room.( sam.leo's favourite room )
this is a very intimate and comfortable room with like sofas and is very warm and cosy. God loves this room and said to you. Let us come here often. It is secluded and quiet so that we can have fellowship together. He promised to be in this room every morning and told you. Meet with me her and we will start the day together. you go to the drawing room day after day God will take a book from the library book case. one of the books of the bible. He would open it and read it together with you. God will tell you the riches and unfold you to the truths. You'll feel very warm and know how loving He is. It's also called a withdrawing room that you withdraw from the things of this world and pay attention to Him alone. But busy scheldules sets in. so You start to miss a day after day.. then one morning you remembered God then you walk pass the room and you saw God waiting there. God promised He'll wait so you asked God you've been here all these mornings. God said yes, He told you He'll be there. you remember your quiet time of the bible study, prayer time as a factor of your own spiritual progress but you have forgotten that this hour means something to the Lord. Christ died on calvary showed how much He loved you. God said do not neglect this hour if only for His sake . do it for Him. don't miss this hour. it's so important to God. - (sam.leo) I cried when i read this. He's waiting for me all these days. so you cant miss this time with God. He wait for you. alright:) what a great God.
The Workshop
God asked so what are you producing with your life for the Kingdom of God. you showed God what you've done. He asked could u have done better ? you said yes. God held your hands and gave you the HOLY SPIRIT. He said the holy spirit will control your hands and your heart and will work thru you.There is much more to learn to produce the product for God. Do not be discouraged because you cant do much for God. Your ability is not the fundamental condition. It is who is contolling your fingers and upon whom you are relying. give your talents and gifts to God and he will do things with them that will surprise you.
The Rumpus Room.(playroom)
you were hoping God will nt ask about this room because there was certain associations and friendships, activities and amusements that I wanted to keep for myself. I did not want God to know.there was one night you want to go say clubbing ? for example. God saw you going out and asked are you going out. you answered yes. then God said can He join you. but you put down God. you did not want Him to go. He said He thought going into this home meant He'll do everything together with you. when you were out there you felt guilty what a friend you are. you asked yourself why are you going out with friends and to places that you know you wont want to bring God to. So you brought God to this room of yours. And He transformed it. and you have real joy, real happiness, real satisfaction, real friendship. laughter and music have been ringing in the house forever since.
The Hall closet
God was waiting for you when you went home. He had an arresting look in His eye. He said that there is this peculiar odour in the house.There is something dead around here. God said. He said it was upstairs.in the hall closet. you immediately know what He is talking about. The small hall closet was locked with a key. and you have the key. and you don't want anybody to know about and certainly did not want Christ to see. you know but yet u like to keep them and you wanted them for yourself. the odour become stronger stronger then God pointed at the closet and said it's in there. some dead thing. God went in all the rooms. you become selfish and said this is too much and that you will not give God the key. God became angry and said if you think I can put up with this that you're hiding he'll walk out. so He went down and getting all packed to go. then you regretted and handed over the key to God. You told God to clean up the closet for you. and said you have not got the strength to do it. God said He knows. He said just give me the key give me the authority to take care of this closet and I will. so you passed the key to God.God opened the closet and took out all the stuff rotting there and threw it away, cleansed the closet ( blood on calvary). And the closet is as good as new. clean and wonderful.
the end.
erm. these rooms above. I hope it speaks to you. it spoke a lot to me. very meaningful. yup. this is like post of the year or smth. it's my 301 post though hee. in this blog :) enjoy. you just have to Give this house to God :) He'll deal with it. Amen. :) I'm very tired to stay up so late to write such stuff. if it's good tag me . if you want to hear more of such things. tag me. haha. hee. ok. if you want the original copy. i can photocopy for u. just let me know. email, msn, handphone, call, sms, telephone. whatever that is. alright. lastly
SonicFest 2006.
erm. friend don't be disappointed or anything yea. because God is working. I've never been hit so hard once more. by speakers. at least u set thru 2. I set thru 3. they speaks. they are sent by God. so listen to God. ask Him for He knows what is right for you. then you do whatever he tells you. don't do anything till he answers. that's what i've got to say. just be patient and wait. Do not want you to be like what i've done. I've realised my mistake and God give me the answer. so wait for God.
WHAT I'VE LEARNT
1. Roots. Do you have roots. Do you know who you yourself really are ? what are you doing on earth for ? I can say I have roots. but I'm certain my roots are not strong. I need to work on it with God. So hope you ppl will look into the issue of your own roots.
2. It's not about bringing people to Christ. Yes, it is an issue. In matt 28:18-20 says Make disciples of all nation. alright DISCIPLES. ok. the 12 disciples. we bring people to Christ. yes we do. but we have to disciple them. to mentor them to walk with God. that's right isn't it. if we don't disciple them. they won't have a strong foundation. because they are newborn babies.
I seriously think God's word is amazing. I memorised this verse like long ago. then it's like i see. it's not about bringing friends to church and accept CHRIST. it's about taking care of them u know. I simply miss that word DISCIPLE out. I'm sorry Lord. yea. It's about making a disciple. But I'm happy I learn something new and got rid a mistake I've made.
actually loads more I've learnt. Share again another day. There is ONLY ONE AMAZING GOD. THAT's JESUS CHRIST. yea. He's a big Dad a great Dad and your best friend. :) this post I took 2 hours. that means I finished at 2.09 a.m
My glorious
God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world will live
God will save the day
And all will see
My glorious
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I am happy tonight that I can tell you that. I re dedicated my life to God. my whole life. I gave everything. I've left everything behind to God. He take it all. God is a wonderful amazing God. He will never let go when you have a tough time. I took the step to set things right with God. I went up for altar call. At first, there was uncertainty of what I was doing. I just want to put things right with God. I just want God to know that no matter what I'm doing is going to be for Him. I guess I just want to lead a normal life. A life with no pain no worries no nothing. I'm very encouraged by the worship and the church itself. Because they obeyed God. They did reductionism whatever it is. Sonicfestival was a big big event and there will be a lot of loud music, light and all. But this year all have been reduced to as small it can be. I am very glad to have such brothers sisters in Christ who listened to God and did as He said. As for me. It took me 1 year or more. to listen to what He says. to do what He says. well quotes I wrote down from the preaching . It is quite random. but yes.
It's not about starting well
But finishing well.
You may have started really well really very very well. But if you can't finish this race for God. It'll all be nothing. sigh. there's a line in a song that touch me . I cant remember something like You said, do it and don't delay. Do what God says and don't delay. because you'll regret. definitely. for a year I guess. i didn't do what he says without delay. now I finally done it after church camp. I'm relieved. because I understand how much God loves me. I can't give up again.
I can't give up on my life that He gave me once more. How painful it is . it still is. but yes. rahs staying over tml at my place. that's great to have sleepovers sometimes. when you share your life and all. she promised to go for the rally tml. because she also went forward for altar call. I'm leaving you people with this. a line that chris tomlin sang.
God You're Bigger than the air I breathe
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I shared my testimony with a track friend. I'm thinking of inviting all of them for cheryl's run. keep my friends in prayer. because if my whole track team turn up. it's quite big yup. :) ok. sonicfest say about 2 hours away. alright. I guess, God is right. What He said was right. seek Him. matt 6:33 oh yes. I'm planning after poly life already. heh. aren't i fast. I want to do graphic design that's it. I've been tolerating it. Dad , Mum. You know I love designing. You two see it everyone knows I've a passion for that. Please. give me the green light. But I promise you finish my poly I'll go ok. I think raffles design institue not bad. It's not about raffles the name ok. Because this school focus on design soley. I am going in that. Be a creative designer and all. that's a calling from God to serve him in that area. seriously I did not want to study anymore. haha. just do art. because that's a passion I can't kick off. because I'll still pick up pen and paper and start drawing.alright. nathan later I'll write about the different rooms of God. that He wants us to have and to tidy all the room up. so check that later. I LOVE that article from my mentor. She's cool, young and understand me well too well. woo. haha. she told me, she wanted to tell me to leave youth cell too because she thinks doing design by project basis is something God may want me to do. I guess. that's that. thank you my God above. check back in the night. bye.
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I'm lying if I ever said I'm ok I'm fine. I just met my mentor at sakae sushi which is 5 - 8 mins from my house. I told her everything. I've been hiding. thank God. I didn't cry. phew. then she told me about herself what she been thru something like mine. But yes, i can feel her pain too. thank you sinyi. thank you for being there and you understand. I'm here for you too :) so don't be upset too. we could be praying partners. :) thank you my mentor. if I didn't tell you. I'll be even worse. some things is going to be painful so be it. what I must do I have to do. that's all. after this period. I'll be fine. :)
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things just aren't getting better. don't know why. because I've been saying tons of dunnos to everybody. to avoid the issue. well. things just go back on the same way as it was before. i read thru the msgs i have left in my phone. won't say anything. I'm just going to run away from some things I guess. that is the best alternative. sometime it is hard to keep it to yourself but some things it's just not meant to be shared. I don't know why. But keeping it feels better and God knows it better too.
My Saviour My God by Aaron Shust
My Saviour loves
My Saviour lives
My Saviour always there for me
My God He was
My God He is
My God is always gonna be
I listened to it in the radio again. listening loads of christian music. a lot of other artist like the Third call, aaron shust, lincoln brewster, the turning and many many more.I like this song. When I heard this song. I was like wow. The chorus. I wrote down the chorus. one thing I admit. I don't like praying. haha. many people know that. but I always pick up my guitar and seems like music and words combined. I sang to Lord what my heart has to tell him. the words become lyrics of a song. I've been doing that for quite some time. I can sing anything I want to tell God and what I want to pray for. Even Psalms. I guess. gotta thank my Guitar coach at believer. singing Psalms. sometimes, I can do so much things. God gives me so much so much. I ask God to take me Home. He said He would. I was like great. I don't want to stay on because sometimes taking one small step is hard. my dearest cell. shawn, serene, eudora, weien, don, actro, gabriel, sophia.. I do not know what to tell you people. I love you and I have not given up on you people alright. If it is His will for me, I will be back. Don't feel sad or anything. you have my number and my msn and everything ya. i'm a call, msg away. you know. just msn me call me and whatever even when you are sad, bored, tired, happy and everything. I'll be there yup. a few people asked me about prayer meeting. I will post again about that later on. off. disappeared.
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Love the Lord - Lincoln brewsterI will love You Lord With all my heartWith all my soulWith all my mindWith all my strengthI've been listening all night to christian radio. klove. whatever that is. I always loved this song. but ben ben doesn't want to lend me. because I will copy the cd or rip tracks. because I'll always do this. But still I manage to get hold of this track called love the Lord. that's the whole song basically. 5 lines. I'm impressed. lincoln brewster's songs are amazing. It's all written with a heart that wants to draw so close to God. I thank God for his songs. well, things that I've been feeling hurt have been locked in this heart of mine and buried in my heart. I'm not going to think about it anymore. it'll only cause hurt. didn't go for familyhood with crusade today. because I knew I could not. so sinyi like ask me what can she pray for me. I told her for me to cheer up and I can't remember. so nice of her. she's in my DG. my DG will be so fun. haha and she ask why sam sad sad one. then i was like don't know. then she said she'll pray for me to be happy happy. I guess. crusade seems more like a family to me. because I don't know. I feel more comfortable with them. I don't know why either. they'll ask how are u. what you doing and all. one more thing. haha. they painted my finger nails for me once. uber cool. I like it. really like family haha. they are so nice. hee. when I leave school. I'll be so sad. but still one and a half years to go. as for track and field. I'm stepping down after this year. I have like make my president so sad. I bet. not going for trainings. but this is my last time. I'm going to do it. whack them down. I'll run that I'll fly. IVP track and field is in my school. that's the best part. it meant dunking ppl at steeple chase, eating at KAP, staying over in school. I know it is that dumb . But I guess, when the team works hard you can see the spirit. I miss my coach. haha. so weird. he's like a grandpa to me hee. he will teach u the hard way of doing 400m 5 sets and above at 70 plus all the usual stuff. as usual.. I miss last year team. school is starting. blue track just gotta wait. next monday. I'll be there. I promise. :)
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Monday, June 19, 2006
this is my 4th post of the day. roamed with sarah at Jurong point for quite a long while. wanted to tell her all that I wanted. my mouth and heart didn't coordinate well I guess. things that wanted to be said. I kept it with me. It's still with me here. no one knows. only God knows. I'm running away from everyone. I cannot explain it too. Don't understand why I'm feeling like that. I watched She's the man. nice one there. sorry people who watched. I utter so few words. every reply and sentence I spoke are all less than 10 words. I'm so sorry.
I like to roam around. I love to walk past many people when I'm alone. When I do this, meant I'm thinking a lot. have thought a lot. feels sad and upset and all. that's what I always do. When I go places alone. That really mean I'm tired, so tired, people pass me by. I should not be feeling like that. 1 more day to sonicfestival. I get to see some friends I got to know last year. The way they do things and all. so wonderful. yup. ok. I must get pass it.
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this is my 3rd post in a day. sigh. dont know why I'm like that again. but I need to get away for a while. I should just go on my journey again. I love to roam the streets alone. Thinking about everything. sit down somewhere and stone. I feel really happy like that. because I am myself right at that moment of time. do not need to be in pretence with this world. because it's quite hard sometimes. it seems I'm back at the same spot. maybe I'm just afraid. but nothing to be afraid. when I'm alone. God is with me. He gave me that vision. Even I walk alone, He is right there with me.
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The Father's love letter.You may not knoe me, but I know everything about you. - Psalm 139:1I know when you sit down and when you rise up- Psalm 139:2I am familiar from all of your ways - Psalm 139:3Even the very hairs on my head are numbered - Matt 10:29-31For You were made in my image- Genesis 1:27In me you live and move and have your being - Acts 17:28For you are my offspring-Acts 17:28I knew you even before you were conceived - Jeremiah 1:4-5I chose you when I planned creation - Ephesians 1:11-12You were not a mistake , for all of your days are written in my book- Psalm 139:15-16I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live - Acts 17:26You are fearfully and wonderfully made- Psalm 139:14I knit you together in your mother's womb- Psalm 139:13And brought you forth on the day you were born - Psalm 71:6I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me- John 8:41-44I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love - 1 John 4:16And it is my desire to lavish my love on you - 1 John 3:1Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. - 1 John 3:1I offer you more than your earthly father ever could - Matthew 7:11For I am the perfect Father - Matthew 5:8Every good gift you receive comes from my hand - James 1:17For I am your provider and I meet all your needs - Matthew 6:31-33My plan for your future has always been filled with HOPE. Jeremiah 29:11Because I love you with an everlasting love - Jeremiah 31:3My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore - Psalm 139:17-18And I rejoice over you with singing - Zephaniah 3:17I will never stop doing good to you - Jeremiah32:40For you are my treasured posssession - Exodus 19:5I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul - Jeremiah 32:41And I want to show you great and marvelous things - Jeremiah 33:3If you seek me with all your hear, you will find me - Deuteronomy 4:29Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart - Psalm 37:4For it is I who gave you those desires - Philippians 2:13I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine - Ephesians 3:20For I am your greatest encourager - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles - 2 corinthians 1:3-4When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you - Psalm 34:18As a sheperd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart - Isaiah 40:11One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes - Revelation 21:3-4I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus - John 17:23For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed - John 17:26He is the exact representation of my being - Hebrews 1:3He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. - Romas 8:31-32And to tell youthat I am not counting your sins - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you - 1 John 4:10I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love - Romans 8:31-32If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me - 1 John 2:23And nothing will ever separate you from my love again - Romans 8:38-39Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen - Luke 15:7I have always been Father, and will always be Father - Ephesians 3:14-15My question is ~ Will you be my child? - John 1:12-13I am waiting for you - Luke 15:11-32Love your Dad, Almight GodEven though I forgot to thank Him for Father's day. I'm sorry Lord. things have been flashing like some time machine. the pain I feel. the brave front I'm putting which actually I'm not at all strong. But God, You know. I'm standing firm and I will never deny you are Christ.my heart feels heavy and burdened. and dreams have been coming to me lately. so weird but I don't understand. I guess yesterday was funny. catching the train, running up the stairs. haha. julian me john and sam.w .. sam.w have no reason to run with us for the train, but he ran with us with his wife called gibson. haha. super funny. but I guess life is a pain. I don't know. something is just pressing me down. and hate this feeling. God, help me :) Thank you. God this letter did not came by chance thank you Lord for everything you've given. thank you Lord.
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actually. i have no idea what is happening to me again. sometimes, things just come out one after another. simply one after another. I'm feeling the pain again. till now, only God you know. only You God. recently, I'm like going up and down. sometimes really high up there and low down there. I meant my emotions. For God. it's always high up there. just quite sad about how life goes. don't know why either. all I know. I'm going for sonicfest. God I trust that you heal me there of my hurts. because I'm really happy because God knows. He brought me there for a reason since last year till now. I've never forget about this. I don't know why either. He's going to give me a suprise like He did last year. Fort canning worshipping God. I could feel His presence. I was perspiring like so much. with one guitar and a worship leader we prayed and worshipped God. I still remember uncle sonic. a blessing indeed. thanks! I've let go of buying the guitars like I think it is stupid. because it's not His will for me to buy it. I will not buy it. Bless God.
Things I want NOW.
1. The Message Bible
2. The Amplified Bible
3. Apple Laptop - if God is willing ( to do design work)
I thank God for my wonderful parents. Actually, I treated my house I felt like a hotel. I've realised and I try to spend more time with them and talk to them. I guess, God gave me this family. I got to treasure it. I'm not going to worry about anything anymore. whatever hurt I'm feeling. take it all.
Things I want to do at the end of this year
1. memorise 50 verses from my bible
2. read 5 books by the end of this year
3. Faith and trust in my friends
don't dare to set anymore. just these 3 for this year will make me hard enough. I do not know why, but I feel God is taking me away in a way or another. I don't know. I feel very swept away. I feel everyone is a stranger. i do not know. But I keep feeling I'm leaving this earth very soon. I do not know how soon. But I'm trusting my God. For my God is so big. I've started with my long story. basically my mind is very messed up. God clear it all up Father I pray in Jesus name, AMEN! but I guess what to thank God for the camp You turned my UNIVERSE around. AMEN! I'm off to bed for now. the long story have just began.
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Friday, June 16, 2006
my life have changed have you? about that story. i will start with it soon. because utterly long. a lot of things happened. I guess, everyone have been guessing and asking. But have no idea who that friend was. ok. erm. I decided not to reveal it still. though many know. Alright. I can tell you something. If i were to die for christ now. I will. 100% no doubt. because I've been walking with Him. He's too amazing. He love me too much too much. I've understood what is pain. the pain we have can't equal to the pain God felt. When we His children sins. He is hurt. When His children disappoints and all. He feels it. I know he does. But He forgave. That's how great God is. certainly.
to the friend, thank you so much that you still forgave me though I told you nasty things somehow when I lost hope and so angry and irritated. I lost faith in you, seriously but now, I guess i still have faith in you and hope. it's increasing. that includes all of my friends. painful experience. but it was certainly a test of friendship.one more thing. the friend that I asked God for is you. thanks. because I don't like to be in a big group of friends and go rarara. thanks a million friend. our lives have been changed. no doubt.I will think of more. then I write ok. I have not write all ok? haha.last night, I dug my 6 journals from 2004 till today. I like to write. don't u think so.. haha. I love to write about life what God says. I've strayed away from God countless times. too many times. haven't really read thru. because very lazy to do it.. because it's like many pages and I write long entries. from sadness joyfulness to God speaking to me to visions and the gifting he gave. I actually told God I did not want that gifting. because I cant tell why is it there for me. because knowing about future is horrible. I don't want. because I know what ppl going to say. what I think of it'll happen. It's what I'm going through. but the vision class. says it all. because I'm really going crazy i thought. sometimes when i say something to God. there'll be a reply many times. Only some times no reply. like it generates i don't know how. i ask God replies. He's not my best friend i would say. He's my father, tell me what to do and all. He knows i hate praying. because lalala. i'm busy bumble bee. but now, i just have to book the room to pray every night. because I just have to pray. another thing. I'M on a 3 mths break from Youth ministry. That means for once, I can sit and listen to what God says. because it's no longer what I want but what God wants. this fact, people u need to know. If you do not have joy serving the Lord. It meant something wrong. I've been not joyful for 1 and a half years. I guess this break will allow me to seek what God wants and not what I want. Because I like and I want, I went to serve God. Ask and did not wait for His answer. Someone taught me before. God does not need you to serve Him. He is God. He wants His children to sit and listen to Him. He only desires that you Love Him. If you want to serve Him. He wants you to serve wholeheartedly and with joy. yup. basically charissa, if you're reading this. Your name appeared in my journal because during cell, Zec said write someone u may want to know better in the goals. so I put your name down don't know why. random.alright. As for another thing. when sharon goes back to the room. I didn't want to go. Then i was like going to the toilet. God says turn back. Ok fine. I turn back. He says go in and pray. So i sat down and ask what am I going to pray for. The cell. I was like the cell? of all things. why cell ? ok. so I start praying. then that night for cell, I'm super happy. because I saw so many lives changed. this post is so long. but my story my testimony is even longer. :) . soon I promise. I will write what God did. what happened to me. yup. that's all.
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
i wonder what was right and what was wrong. i wonder. is our friendship so fragile. that when something happens it'll be broken. I guess it did. And it have. because it's a fact. This friendship is no longer one. when one is giving in. but the other refused to. so the conflict came in. I just want you to know I've not blamed you for worship neither do I blame you for what you promised. i blame myself for that why could not I think it was just because of someone's initiative to help. it only occur to me you did not kept your promise. that's all that I blamed for not keeping to what you said which actually was even not your fault.because it was mine from the start. so many things i asked of you. for we man can't do things. because only God can. what I can say is. You're feeling all that you wrote. do you think how much better I am feeling. being drawn back from people. do you ever know. even when I disappeared for quite a while. does anyone ever know. where was I? no one ever knows. because no one ever cared. what a test that I tried. when I came back then people realised I was missing. when i was missing. does anyone realised. nope. they do not. they do not know. they just don't understand how it feels like.I've changed. i admit i did drastically. caused by hurts and pains. this friendship have came to the end. so does this blog. it has stopped. run is all i've got now.
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i've nothing left to say.
watch cars.
understand friendship.
all that i'm left to say.
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Got God?
I guess. I tried to postpone this camp. because it was not like Godly or something. Because all that we did we did not tell God. we did not let go and let God. But I guess when we Let go and Let God. Life changes. I was upset. really sad about a lot of things. But no longer. I'm smiling once again. Thank God. it's been so long. Got God? I have. alright. amazing things happened. No coincidence alright. I was worried so worried on thursday night wondering how to get to school by 8 a.m when I am in Sentosa. That's nutz. Because I got a test on a sat morning when the camp is held. I was like so worried. Prayed. On fri night in the midst of revision. Guess who came. Xuexin. woah. He's the cyclist which meant the road genius. :) I asked him and he drawn a map for me. Thanks ya. So i manage to get to the bus area. Then not just that. I thought LT 22 still have to walk quite far. Then joyce told me. camen's dad fetching us from the mrt to school. right to the door. I was like :) . What's more. I finished the paper within 30 to 40 mins. We could only leave after an hour. I was like. so fast. Thank God. Then yesterday was Electronic Commerce. I was so screwed the night before. I didn't study. tried cramming in everything. of course, it didn't get through definitely. I decided to just trust God. No one walked me out the next morning but as I walked, I was quite worried or scared. something somehow. then alongside me came a Rasa Sentosa bus. then the bus driver like. u walking out ? do you want a lift. I was like alright. I wonder why I did that. But I guess no such coincidence. right. so I got a free ride to the mrt. well I didn't screw my paper. I have faith I'll pass. at least.God is amazing.
Far more than that was,that I let go and worship God. It's been really hard for me these days to worship God. As, I'm concern about music VS worship. I was afraid that it would be music and not worship. But I guess. This time is really letting go. One of the night. I was so angry pissed and whatsoever. didn't talk. didn't say anything. because I lost faith again. I was so sad the whole night till the morning. I didn't talk at all. Because I believed. worship can be done even with just the voices of God's people. But I didn't utter anything else. Half way through praise I left. dont ask me why. prayer. loads abt prayer especially the room key. we prayed and ting! the key is found. sounds so magical. laughs. Got God? to those who's been to Got God? great time with God and you ppl had fun too right :)
- let go. let God.
want to print T shirt ? haha. just a random idea of mine.
