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‚ô• Thursday, August 31, 2006
4:13 PM

I'm on attachment right now. I don't quite like it though I still have to live with it. Because of attachment I pushed away a project that perhaps is once in a lifetime. Based on that I don't study graphic design or design courses. I could very well did it. Oh well. I'm glad i gave it a miss as I'm really tired of work. 9 to 6 p.m of calling just bad. alright. I decided to spend more time with Big Dad. That's God of course. heh. Alrightie. I'll stop here. I'll update soon.

‚ô• Sunday, August 27, 2006
12:34 AM




when I'm sad lonely and feel really horrible. There comes my brushes and pain to my rescue. They save me from the world. Thinking too much. I've sunk into deep deep thoughts again. alright. I'll explain what the pictures means. I'm trying to learn to explain the pictures I paint. For I believe. When I paint. There's a meaning to my pictures. The first one was a blue star. A star big and blue. it meant I'm blue today. Not bright and shiny but a little blue. actually I painted this star because of starSfish. i don't wish to further explain it. If you want to know. I'll tell you. As for the next 2 are a blue flower I painted. It was my first painting tonight.I was really sad and bored and everything. Could not focus. Why force myself to paint something I've never paint before. why torture myself. so I painted it blue. the strokes I used meant I'm really confused by things of this world. with some areas of dark blue meant there's still darkness surrounding me. Which I need the light to break it free. I'm feeling much better after painting. I've opened another blog. It's called the unphotographable blog. it is a blog where I put my pictures. I really like the unphotographable picture. it's really nice. meaningful and all. that's the why I love art. It communicates to me in a very special way. I shall put it this way. All art pieces speak. that's that. bye

‚ô• Saturday, August 26, 2006
11:39 AM


what can i say. another chapter of my life has ended. exams are over. I don't feel really happy or whatsoever. walked down esplanade again in the night. it's really pretty. I love it. perhaps I won't get another chance of having a friend walking down with me. I guess. thank you camen. heh. oh well. at esplanade we saw this guy singing really beautifully, just like some musical or rather he was really singing a musical. can someone just pull me out of this dream.why am I in love with art so much. sometimes I wonder , which nerve in my head is wired wrongly. I want to do art for the rest of my life. oh well. I don't want to give up on the dream of being an graphic artist. I've said it before. It may be hard. too high to reach so jump! still can't grab a ladder or take a helicopter. I'm pursuing it that's what I've set my heart upon doing. But I still I got to find God first. Been really lost and wonder what to do, things done wrongly I guess. the expressions in my heart are simply UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE. bye.

‚ô• Thursday, August 24, 2006
8:42 PM

finally ief paper is over. rejoice. it's been really hard. when I get too stressed and tired. I'll watch videos for goodness sake. whatever. I did it. I'm a pro now. I did it from 10 to say 2 a.m watching TV. how clever can I be. The paper today was IEF. and I still did it. But I wasn't much afraid. at the end of the paper. I was smiling. I don't understand why either. Things are really simple. Don't know means don't know. I guess. I answered all that I can answered. Analysed all that are within me knowing about the world of ECONOMICS. right. I seriously think it is a panicky subject for we do not know what to expect. But I respect my lecturers. One of the most profitable module that you will learn in your life. If you don't want to be in the lecturer's fan club so you better pass! I got it right and clear. The questions they gave about the world was interesting on IMF and the oil crisis was all general knowledge. I guess they are one of the best question where we know whether we are nerds or are we the students who learn and apply our theories. learnt a lot. lecturers you rock. Though I know I lost 30 marks. I don't feel sore at all. The rest of the 70 marks. I really did all that I can. I've no regrets even I fail. I just want to thank God for all that He has given especially friends.

Thank you Nathan and company. really appreciated you and your friends help on that IEF. Now it's over. big smile. thank you all. Really thank you ya. Thank you nathan, kin seng, wilson, liting, aaron, the girl beside aaron. Thanks for your support. Big time. You guys helped me :) I didn't feel discouraged. Well peace that is. From going in till the end. I've learnt not to fear. But something is not quite right with me. I'm suck by an unknown force. Like I can't speak anymore. I dont feel like talking anymore. I have no idea why. I just don't feel like talking to people I know yet I am quite close to. But for school clique. I feel extremely comfortable with them as well as crusade people. I'm drifting apart from this church. My heart has become so cold. I need an answer God. I want to know why I'm feeling this way out of the blue. alright. I'm going to mug one of my favourites that's accounts. I love it! for I've got an extremely nice tutor. He's the best. teach till you understand. erika's favourite. heh. alright. bye. I promise I'll blog again tml. :)

‚ô• Monday, August 21, 2006
8:17 PM

what am I doing here. I just finished an episode of the last dance. korean drama. beautiful. But yet it makes me think too much again. I wonder if I ever get to finish the things I want to do in this world before leaving. The things I hope to see. That has nothing to do with material gains and all. I guess. God knows what I really want to do. That will be left between me and God. I've not finished studying Operations Management but I'm still blogging. It's been very weird lately. I'm very much afraid I will not see again. I've been trying to open my eyes to look around me the trees,the flowers, the people, the cars,the road and this big city I grew up in. Well, it may be relatively small in geographical size however. For me such a small person thinks this city is huge. I've not been to many parts in this city. There are places that I've not been to. God hid it from me. It was a good thing I guess. I'll know only good things and not bad things. I want to thank God .

I want to Thank God for

- beautiful nature. the places I've been the places I've seen. I love nature. They are places that I God generates the art in me.will be kept in this heart of mine. thank you
- beautiful friends and families around me. people who I brag to, people who I love to disturb and irritate. you people are really great.thank you.
-the arts I've made with my hands through God. I want to thank big DADDY for that. The colours he made are just too beautiful.
- i want to thank God for not letting me worry for everything. Because utmost He is most worried for us.

thank you. all

‚ô• Sunday, August 20, 2006
8:40 PM


today.I could not study. pray pray please. alright. Tried but it just dont' got through. now going to try again so ya. yup. I'm so tired. I got so much more to go in 4 days. I wished my exams are in a few weeks. I'm stressed but photo taking still it. When we are tired we'll take loads of photos. look look. heh. cute isn't it. alright. God have been quiet but not so. He showed me catching butterflies today. haha. catching butterflies with God.. haha. seriously.yup. I'm looking to that day haha. I also had another picture today. I was leaning onto God's shoulder. No need to worry. I didn't quite understand I only know that's really good to have some one to lean on. But as I read the bible when I mug. I realised God is comforting me. in my hurts and all. heh. Isn't that great. He's my comforter. Thank you God. That's very very encouraging. :) alright. I'm set to buying daisy seeds and grow daisies heh. well I like plants so no problem. But sometimes I get too busy that I may forget about them. haha. well I got to learn. I like plants haha. alright really got to go. Bye. I have not complete studying how. pray ok people.

‚ô•
12:35 AM















I love daisies. heh. Pretty isn't it. I want to grow daisies Anyone want to teach me how to grow them?whatever that is. I've been designing these 2 days.I'm sorry to all who ask me to make blogskin. I never get it done. But I guess. You people need to get me a layout from blogskins then I'll do it for you. A lay out you like and wish your blog will be then I'll do the graphics for you. I guess. I've got to mug man. beautiful flowers. God wants me to do many things.But there's still things has yet to be done. I need to seek Him and find out what to do. Beautiful gift you're given but still I need You to tell me what you want me to do with it. I don't wish to rush into designing when I graduate. So I guess I'll keep asking You from now on. I've got a beautiful life from God. Do you? heh. well. I'll do a post nice post. after my exams. take care to all.

‚ô• Friday, August 18, 2006
7:03 PM

muggers

right. as you can guess. instead of mugging today, I can't anymore. I just had to de-sign. but accomplished quite a bit. some of the mugging photos into one.heh.I cant talk much.But yup.Life have been quite sick and tiring, I've been mugging the whole week. thank God for great friends to mug with. Now I guess. I got to go get dinner and start mugging once again. Pray for my paper tml. I'm quite suprised I actually studied already. Now it is just about remembering the points. alright. got to run.see ya around. bye.

‚ô• Tuesday, August 15, 2006
10:34 PM

mug mug mug another 8 hours of mugging. I'm not kidding you. Seriously 10 plus till 6 at starbucks. no joke.but great company. my God is awesome. Everytime before studying we will pray. always. heh. productive studies. right. BSF was good. everything is still beautiful. While studying today in a gloomy weather. Inspirations flew like anything. I actually thought of opening a Christian arts cafe. A place that I do ARTS. cool right. I can't imagine me owning the cafe. laughs. perhaps I'll do it in heaven. then I want a corner in the cafe to paint. just for arts. Monthly the walls canvas will change. different art pieces on the wall with lovely christian music played. soft kind and of course setting it like starbucks with tables and chairs. couch and sofa. Out door and indoor it shall be. a place to for designers. awesome. haha. just a random dream of mine. I guess inspired by 2 architects i met at starbucks lol. they were with their laptops designing buildings. I thought was so beautiful and awesome so I thought why not such a cafe that will offer such nice drinks. heh. ok. dreaming too much. a bit far. lol. alrightie.

God shows no favouritism. SAM SAM wake up wake up. All are equal. whatever nations it is so long as you are God's child will do. God knows what you did and did not do. wrongs you done and all. I want to hide but no where to run. SAM SAM needs God to carry her and give her a pat on her back again. God knows I get frightened easily by some things but God wants to tell me He'll strengthen me. God you said you gave me wisdom of words to speak forth. Father grant that wisdom now.

ok. blog some other time. bye

‚ô• Monday, August 14, 2006
10:07 PM

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mug mug mug. few more days to papers. I'm so dead. But I love starbucks at holland v. beautiful place to mug. i love it. love it. i finished marketing already. starting to mug operations management and electronic commerce also must memorise aaa formulas as well as keep revising marketing till the paper ends. heh. mindmaps work wonders for me. love it. thank you sinyi and joyce making studying not so bad after all. I dread studying a lot. But I'm mugging Thank God.starbucks holland v my favourite place to study just to chill what so ever. heh. alrightie. Tml mugging there again.

God is wonderful and awesome.
He was there with us when we study.
We prayed. He came and help us.
Took distractions away to help us to concentrate
Thank you Father in heaven. :)
love You.

-samanthaleo

‚ô• Sunday, August 13, 2006
9:11 PM

thank you God.
Whole of yesterday. I really did not tear or grieve. I don't understand why. Because I've been crying for many many days. once it was past 12. I started crying again. Like magic. I'm back to where I am suppose to be. I started crying. Can't help I do not know why either. Just feel for this world. But no matter how I feel for the world. Tears doesn't come. But once it was 13 Aug. It's another story. That's crazy. I realised. My fear. argh. I fear the evil one. Like a lot. A lot. I guess my encounter with them make me feel even worse. I hate it. I was scared. very scared. I hate it. But for now. I just need to mug and study and live with God. I wished God would bless me with a mac laptop. Because I've set my heart upon designing. I'll not change my mind. Whatever it is. I've got to thank God for everything He gave. Life is so beautiful. I love this life of mine. I've been saying that like so many times. ha. nvm.

I went mugging with my friends. Joyce ho and sin yi. hee. I did 2 chapters. That's really productive ok. 3 to 6 plus 7. Thank you girls. I think if I went home I'll be screwed. Because surely I will be sleeping watching TV. well mugging tml with sinyi too. big smile big big smile. I really got to go. spend time with God and thinking what to mug on. I really have to do it. Or I'll be so dead. God I must pass operations management. send an angel down to teach me what is it all about. God I must pass. Dear God. I trust u.

‚ô• Friday, August 11, 2006
9:28 PM

reading rachel tears.

I guess. Her journals are like mine. similar. for we put in our deepest things in our closets. The temptations we faced. The hurts that we go through. The prayers we made in the journals are the same.pictures here and there. a verse here and there. but we loved the same God and art. We love to use art to express God. She loves acting but I love designing making graphics. I've felt that I love to write in the journal of mine. these years I've got 5 of them. countless of things mentioned in there. There were periods of time I did not write . It meant I was running away from my Father. The Father in heaven, I felt so hard to faced Him in the past. But these months after the church camp and sonicfest. My life is different. Every sin commited. Confess it. God hears it and knows it. No point running away trying to hide. I guess God you really allowed me to grow in You. For I know too I will not apologise for speaking the name of Jesus and I will stand firm in You and for You. I will never deny You. I will not hide the wonderous light of Jesus to the rest of this world. It is such a bright light. God I love you. I really do. really really do. I guess I'm not even studying. My time and my life is JESUS JESUS JESUS. GOD GOD GOD. My time and my life are spent thinking what is Jesus doing. How heaven is like. When is He coming. For I can't wait for Him to come and take me Home. I really do. I really hope God will wake this world up soon and show them God is true. I'm really going on with life. I got some clothes for my attachment which I like. Bought quite a few pieces. Life is gorgeous. I guess some of my closest friend will be irritated. For everything coming out of me is Jesus and God. For I can't help it. He's my no.1 pirority. It just can't be second or third or so on. He can only be first. For He first created the world. For He first send His Son to die for our sins. He was first in loving us unconditionally and always with us. He is just no.1 in my life. It is just a fact everyone have to accept if you still consider me as a friend. heh. alright. I'm suppose to be studying till now. heh. is nothing :) alright. bye.

‚ô• Thursday, August 10, 2006
10:01 PM

my most treasured possessions

God
bible
my journals.

These 3 things are my most precious things I own and that I treasure most. Without God, I am not on earth. Secondly, God speaks to me with the bible my mom bought. without it is pointless.
my journals are the most important to me. currently I have about 5. I've been writing and commiting a lot of things to God. That no eye has seen what I wrote in there except for me and God. I dont know many miracles of my life. As well as pictures that I dream every spiritual encounter is noted in there. My visions my encounter with things that are not meant for everyone to know is in there. I don't know. I've learnt.

love not the limelight
pride brings sin
humble is the key
to everything

Over these weeks, I've learnt standing in the spotlight is stupid. To have POWER to do things or what so ever. You think you can do a lot of things but actually you can't. If God stops you. You'll be left with nothing. Thinking if one can worship, do this and do that . Like what I did before. It's not about being in the limelight anymore. It's about God in the limelight. For we must shine Jesus through us. To share HIS LOVE to people around us. But not hurt us. Life is beautiful, it is even more beautiful if each of His children shine Jesus through themselves. Live a life of grace. My calling Lord, You knows my heart. I've told you that night father. You knew where and the time I told you. Today, fear gripped me. But I will fear no evil for your rod and your staff they comfort me. I'm reading rachel tears now. addicted to the book. but sudden an urge to blog about my treasured possesions. :)

I

‚ô•
10:57 AM

2 posts i tried posting did not got published. I guess God does not want it up. He doesn't want me to say anything about my calling. I won't say it God. That's a secret between me and you then. I was very scared last night. I was very much afraid. alright I guess I shall reveal it till here. I was afraid. It was quite a big shock for me to take. But I fear no evil. :) God's with me. Who can be against me. yipee.. I went for day of power. The 40 day defining moment thing. I thought it was awesome. sinyi and I had a great time there. we were singing one of my favourite though i wasn't from sunday school.

In this light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine
Let it shine

I thought it was really great. I want to shine for Jesus. Shine Shine Shine. Then everyone in the stadium took up their phones and light up the stadium. we were all like stars. so cool right. heh. then there were loads of prayers. One of the longest longest prayer I made was that day when they prayed for nations as well as for Singapore. Then singaporeans joining hands to pray for people. I was very happy and yup. Breaking of bondages was cool too. We had to shout for a minute but when they shout, tears dropped down my face. Don't ask me why. I can't tell you why either for I don't even know why myself. heh. whatever that is. God is awesome. alright. that's it. I'm off people. I love u all. I've learnt to love people around me. Just Like God first loved us. It may be hard at first but just have to learn. May not be love but perhaps forgiveness comes first then love can come through. alright. I'm crazy these few weeks. bye

‚ô• Sunday, August 06, 2006
8:32 PM

God is awesome. Too big to understand. heh. He finally said something. Well actually, He speaks. That's a secret between me and Him.

God gave me another vision today. the 3 visions link up all nicely together. sheesh. The first one from heaven i was on a bench alone like alone. I hate being alone sometimes and I was looking down when people was playing. They are happy and here i am crying again. Then God came beside the bench and gave me a hug saying. You are not alone. I am with You. obviously I cried and cried. Second one was I was crying at a dark corner. It was black all around me. I was in white robe all the 3 visions. Then God came took my hand and walk me out . Last one came today. He knows. I cannot take it anymore. I could not do it anymore. I was so upset. 2 weeks or 1 week I drifted away from Him. I used to be super on reading the bible. Suddenly I didn't have that passion for a week. I felt terrible. Like what's is this. Things goes wrong and so on. Make me even more upset. God finally gave this. I was lighten up. It was me and God. standing on the ground with a white robe. Like a toddler. God lifted me to his shoulders and walked . I was like God will carry me through. Finally, I spoke to someone that I have to and need to speak to today. sigh. I have all the things she said. Like whatever she said was spot on. I'm very happy at least I'm still ok. Because recently when I turn on the tap meant my tears . It can't off. Even in praise songs. I'll start crying. Horribly. Like grieving but I dont know why. Sometimes I know but I'll grieve and grieve it have started. A.erika saw a weeping girl twice. I guess tears that I have a lot. So yup. I tried arguing with God. God dont make me cry I will look very ugly after crying. God replied. you are pretty . you are my creation. I was like okok. Don't argue. That's enough as long I'm not ugly in His eyes. heh. will do will do. There's much more things i got to do.People see me online right everyday. Do me a favour bug me to go and pray if I have not done so. Please Please Please. I can't pray very long but I got to learn. I will do as He says. I love Him alot. No doubt. I'm uber uber happy girl. though getting canon ixus. The effect of it was not from my dad or family . there came problems of the world. yup. well, i wont share what God has for me. Julian Tan. I am not emo ok? I'm just troubled with things between world and God. Got kind of confuse with world satan God and all. So today. i settle all things. I guess I'm glad things turn this way. to the someone though you may never read my blog. I will still be praying for you. For God said all will be back. As a cell we will claim it from God. For God has revealed. hey all. clouds and skies are blue now. Now all I can do is to pray and wait. wow. I love this. But loads to pray about. God I need You. He protected me so many times. From the valleys of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me your rod and your staff they comfort me. I'm off. bye ppl. share with u ppl more soon.

‚ô• Friday, August 04, 2006
11:35 PM

sigh sigh sigh

this place is empty and black. well. I feel like telling my cell. I love you people so much that now I hate the cell now? I dont know. It's contradicting. I love my cell, but circumstances change the way I feel and think. now my face is stressed. One auntie on the bus asked me if I was ok. I must be thinking too hard. that I got stressed up so much that the ear piece I had was redundant. I wasn't even listening at all. All I do was think why have so much happened. why Lord. I am not even deem fit to ask God why. But I guess. I am going to explode soon. soon I'll be climbing out of the windows. I hate this. I hate this. God will see the cell through. Why I cant I just be patient and wait for Him to do His work. well well well. life is getting tougher and tougher. soon, you'll see suffering from asthma attacks soon. As I get so worried. I've never felt that before. What will happen if this very moment God take everyone away. Will your friends and loved ones go where you are going? this is crazy. sigh. will God do miracles again ? God you reminded me not to be stressed. it's really messy now. God I leave it all to You. whatever You do. I will just be quiet. dont ask me anything. i will now choose to keep silent.

‚ô• Thursday, August 03, 2006
2:57 PM

sometimes. I'm so tired to move on. I cant even drag my myself. Dad has agreed to get me the canon ixus. So I'm waiting for my friend to pass me on saturday. But yup. I was happy for 1 minute. I should be very happy for like ever as dad is getting me digicam. something is just wrong. too much depression in me. I'm just upset. nvm. I'm just on the verge of giving up. one step away only. one step back to safe ground . one step to danger. sigh. right. I'm so tired. bye

‚ô• Wednesday, August 02, 2006
5:23 PM

God of miracles. God cheered me up yesterday. I really got to thank you my new found friend. If not I guess I am still upset with God. one thing I've learnt.

One may choose not to hear God.
But one cannot pretend He did not exsist.

yup. thanks to my mum somehow it reminded me of wanting the canon ixus 60 camera. I dont know man. God says soon. But.. dont know why today just so different. nvm. my heart desires to have it but yet so far away. anyway. I've started to mug IEF. alright started off with first chapter. like after so long. Alright. haha. anyway. I did something funny. I brag God about the canon ixus 60 like all the time. He was like with me hearing all that I say. seriously very funny. How can he stand me bragging about that. I really whine a lot man. heh. alright. ultraviolet is here. anyway. jasmine bringing the tickets for me. whee. bye.