I'm back again. something is not right with me.But I have no idea what. But yes, recently. I can cry for no particular reason. Getting upset with stuff that no one will find it sad. I cant describe it man. I've given up on guitar but there's always this song that will let me have a spark to pick up the guitar to play. That's God of Wonders. I think it is one of the most beautiful songs written.

I'm going to switch to MUGGING MODE today onwards if I want to run for IVP. this is not going to be easy to balance training with studies and time with God. sigh. I'm losing passion already. I must LOVE his word.mug mug mug with all the goodies I bought. I just gotta learn to smile. I'm losing it again. something is so not right.

on the bus thinking. then thoughts flew in not by chance from God. He said. ' I will strengthen and support this cell. Bracing through all difficulties. All will be back.' cool. right. But dang. still upset. heh. that will be very long for all to be back for cell. That's like ages. I should not doubt God though. But that's like very hard. I've become stoney. erika noticed I wasn't quite right today. Kept asking are u ok are u ok? I guess I am not right man. sigh. just felt so like asking WHY WHY WHY. but no one gives an answer like duh. I wont ask God why ? because I've learnt to ask why He do things that way. Because of Jeremiah 29:11. So I'll not ask Him. not to question God.

Whether God give me a divine appointment or what. i met jerald my track president. he looks so tired and sad. I feel very sorry. I am sorry sorry. I meant it. I've giving a lot of reasons to not run. IVP. But God said Yes. And I'm going back. But to me I dont feel Ok. I'm afraid I'll use it as a stupid thing to hide from everyone. Saying I'm busy dont disturb me. And all. Whatever la. But the reason for me to go training is to vent my anger on whatever I've hid in my heart. and let it out during running. Because I do know God is still healing my already broken heart. He is still healing it since church camp. God I'm just argh. Dunno why I'm frustrated with myself.

Well, I'm going back to run. Pray that all go well. Pray that I'll be HAPPIER. which I'm so not. i need to be alone for a while. I guess.

sigh.
I'm upset again. whatever it is. I know something is crumbling but no matter how people tries. It just cant be done. Only God can do it. I asked so many times God still refuse to tell me... sheesh. I need another retreat on saturday. Botanical Gardens. I just want to sit on that green field and look at the sky. Asking God. I have a sudden emotion swing. From a happy and making noise. Suddenly when this word come to my mind. Everything starts to crumble and fall. I did not want to do anything. All I wanted to do was to hide. well, it's my cell. Don't know why either. I want to hide from it but I do know something. forget it. I will write it on the other blog. whatever it is. I'll start buying candles when I'm upset. one upset one candle. perfect. at least not so painful after buying candles. :) bye.

boo. sigh. stress level rising already. I'm a lazy pig. hah. no.1 I refuse to do my work. For I dont know what reason. seriously. I'm a slacker la. hee. well I'll mug soon. my week I would say an interesting week. For I do not want to share yet. I'll share it in cell. what a roller coaster ride this week. and seriously flash irritates me. argh. I'll get it done somehow even if I become a panda tonight. whatever it takes.

I actually long to run.
But I've been refraining myself.
God it's hard. If that's what You want.
I'll do just that.

- crossroads.

why is it so easy to be down
why is this world such a drown
why are people like this
i just dont have the answer

God these tests you are putting me through, only bring tears to myself. To be like job. It's hard. I realised. But I know you are answering my prayer of wanting to be like Job. To rejoice in You. When all things fail. I just got to say YES to you. my attachment sounds like a bad place but it is confirmed it's your will for me. God I'll do as You say. But Lord, I see that as a mission field then a work field. A mission for me to pray for people. God you put me there for a very good reason. But I do not what mission you have for me. Father, I can only pray that things can just go on fine. No matter upset, or when I think of quitting or losing my hope, faith in people. Teach me not to, because this world is coming to an end. God I want to see all the people around me in heaven. I know it may not be the case.Father, it's painful. this week, I only know it was a painful week. God turn it around next week.

I need to learn to breathe with God. (:

upset
once again.
God is putting me through tests.
sigh.

Well, what I'm upset about is that I hope all starSfish people come for cell. But of course. that's hope. But God, I'll just have to keep praying and God you will do the rest right. God gave me a suprise today. haha. He knows I'm really upset. Again I was grieved but I guess. that's what I'm called to be. I won't say why and all. But thanks to my darlings. joyce, camen and of course dearest Jasmine. heh. they are all involved in my process of painting my nails. My nails are cute and pretty. Black nails with 2 flowers on it. Beautiful. this made my day!! haha. pretty nails. tml there's Life meeting. Big wide smile. heh. my dearest classmates wants me to go get contact lense. hmm. not a bad idea. starting attachment soon. they called me but I got class. They didn't get back to me. I'm sure they will call again soon. :) God loves me and I love Him. Do you love Him?

This story already has a star.
This star is not you and I.
God is the star.

an amazing night

I struggled. last night I went for gen12ii thanksgiving. Met asriel and joshua. I learnt that evangelism should be a lifestyle. it hit me. It's not easy let it be a lifestyle. Then thinking of how God brought me there just to tell me this. Thank you Lord. I still got home somehow because I had to go to dhoby ghaut. somehow. NEL trouble yea. Heh. Like I am supposed to speak to this guy whom I know I have to. When I was talking to someone on msn i was like. God wants me to speak to him. once after the enter. He was pop up again at msn. Right. I don't know Father. You are testing me. Testing the faith. I thought I could not do it. But we hit off really well. Because he is a christian learning to walk with God. Trying hard. So somehow. We talked. Because I refused. But I guess in Job it says. Testing of faith to come forth as gold or something. Father, this is really testing. I really thought it was weird and awkward. Thank you for making it so fine. thank you God. Teach me what you want me to share with him. God lead me and guide me. Doing His will is so beautiful. How unglam or whatsoever. No need to care anymore. I guess God is teaching me to do this as a start. Next time when I'm suppose to share or talk to anyone. I will have a courage to do it. Thank you LORD. Amazing father. I love You Lord. (:

God turned the grey skies blue

I'm fortunate.
I grew up in this big city.
On the bus.
Passing by the streets
Drove past the binding lights.
that's the city I grew up in. :)

I need to Thank God. TODAY another HAPPY DAY!. Though I wept and wept. A.erika prayed for me and said she sees a weeping girl. yea. That's like the same as the last time. I am grieved easily. When I see people so poor thing. That this young people do not know God. That's an urge that I'll explode and go forth and do street e. But of course, I've never done that. I thought God was preparing me to take me home but I guess it's a satan's attack. I hate it. Dumb things I did. God said love your enemies. I tried praying for satan that he'll change and ask God to forgive him. Obviously. this is stupid and it don't work so people you no need to waste time and get yourself into trouble . so just keep scolding satan if he put negative thoughts into your mind. Things cleared for me. Spiritual side. I coughed out all that need to be removed.

Then God answered a deep desire of my heart. I met a graphic designer from the states. then I asked Dad to let me go to nafa to do part time course in de-signing. He said Yes. Goodness. Dad thank you. You know why I find it so amazing. Because he thinks i am hopeless in art. that i cant do it. but Dad I want to show you that de-signing is something God gave.

off to orchard shopping had a great time with sharon. then we went to apple outlet. because I insisted. I met someone. sheesh. I don't want to meet him or see him one. I see him too many times. it's no longer coincidences. God teach me what to do with it. sigh. this is no joke. then I want a canon ixus and a macbook if God says Yes. because I reckon that I want to keep my memories.macbook to bring de-sign better. oh. with sharon I did a street painting. rainbowfied. sam.leo loves art. (: alright. sleep is all I need. my life is on the HIGHWAY. (:

tonight. I don't know I should have just walked the streets. like I always do. I like the time I walk past people i feel good and happy. today is crazy day. but ya. I like it (:

I want to go for a 20 week course at nafa. In the coming January. I want to learn and get a basic graphic design cert. At least I'm sure that certainly is something I definitely I always want to learn. I don't wish to work in the business sector though. I know I'm doing business. I have no idea why I'm there. But I guess. God has His reasons. In the future, I doubt I will work in such environments. I guess most likely I'll be working in the arts/creative sector. Instead of this business world. When I see no colours. stillness. black and white papers. I will faint. I love colours. simplicity. love it when I made something that can be called my own. That's de-sign. Of course, if God isn't with me and if He did not give me this gift, I won't be here. I just went to the library this explains why I'm charged up. When go to the library to borrow books. only one type of books I bring out. That's the the de-signer's manuals. that's what i call them. They are books that when I'm moody, upset and all. My eyes will sparkle when I see them. then a smile will form on a face. Then my heart become really happy. Want to know why. I see many beautiful things and colours. That's it. That will make my day alright. I'm going to read them now. blog another time.

I'm at it again. dreaming my life away. I want to study in nafa or la-salle after poly. I want to study de-sign. seriously. I really love designing. Fallen in love with it. But I guess God didn't want to put me there. Till I started poly, then I reliased there's smth called visual communications in TP. but oh well. It's over now. It doesn't matter anymore. It's a waste though. But I certainly hope to major in arts sector. I want to be a designer in the area of work in the future. I enjoy doing it. So it explains again. I'm dreaming of getting an apple laptop. Well, when do I ever stop dreaming. heh. I'll learn. not to love and place of hope on earthly things but instead on heavenly things. The flash I did yesterday was really cute. If it can be uploaded. I'll upload and let you ppl see :)

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v485/surfer14/?action=view&current=miniproject.swf&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch1

it's here. check it out. really cute and I like it (: can't wait till it is completed.

itchy hands. again. God allow the inspiration for me today. so here's my doings. I'm quite sure I can use them for my flash mini project. after so long. Now I've finally learnt how to do it. I found out. De-sign is really about simplicity. The more complex you are you are worse at it. For God is a simple God. things are simple. so don't let it be so complex. God says simple things. Just obey. Do as He says. alright. OBEDIENCE. 

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by the Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.
John 14:21

Lord I see it now. I see you everywhere. On the TV mobile bus I saw you. Father, this whole week you was teaching me about OBEDIENCE. Father, give me courage to obey you. Not to fear how people sees you but courage to do what you command. You came to save me. something someone or whatever tried to strangle and hurt me. But you came to remove it. Father you PROTECTED me. Father, what more can I say of You. You're awesome. Father. Tsunami again. Father, I pray Father you'll provide shelter for the homeless. Keep your people safe. Father, I pray for those who lost their loved ones to continue to live and not grieve too long over their loss of their family but to know the importance of walking with You. Father, You taught me too much. Not to love earthly things. I saw Daddy got a new canon ixus 60. His company gave it to him. I wanted one so much I kept whining. Doing stupid things. surfing web and all. it's dumb I know. when something is stirred up. I'll keep doing it for a period of time. However, you revealed in Your time it will be given to me if I have faith. I have to WAIT. I was like how long would it be... Must be very long. God also told me not to put our love into worldly things. But it contradicts. Father, I pray that You teach me to do what You want Lord. In Jesus name, AMEN. (:

this week eventful. very eventful with God. Life is v. interesting with God around. Because He is amazing God. He's been with me for all day. Lord you know my desire to go to east timor. To preach your gospel to the unsaved. Lord, I pray that You'll bring me there if it is your desire for me to go. Lord, I'm willing to sacriface my Christmas for You. Not to be doing for my own desire but to do Your work. To minister to these people. Father, I'm set on the mind of giving up my Christmas for You. But perhaps I won't be around ? Because I don't know. This thought have been coming to my mind. To write letters for people around me. As if I'm leaving this world. Don't know why I feel like that. I got to pray over it. Perhaps it's the satan telling me such things. But I seriously don't really bother over it. But it sounds wrong that satan would be telling me to write letters to my loved ones. I'm just going to give it to God and ask Him about it. Lord, I really want to go to East Timor on 22 - 29 dec. This is the 2nd year that I've been wanting to go. Father, please. God answered my prayer today. On the bus, it was cold so cold. I was wearing a jacket but my hands are still cold. so I prayed that the spirit will give me warmth. soon my hands don't feel cold anymore. Lord you are a mystery and a wonderful Father. But God you're always behind and with me all day. Thank you Lord.

- God loves u and I !

hmm. I had a very interesting morning with God. I woke up 3 times altogether. God knows I cannot wake up and will be late. at 5 a.m Morning Call 1. Thunder and Lightning. So loud. I wake up. But reluctant cover my ears sleep. But I ask God what do u want. I want to sleep. Then I heard to pray for Singapore. I was like at all times. I disturb my Father in Heaven, so He does the same. haha. but finally after a few minutes of shutting my eyes. I lay down and prayed for the nation. Then miraculously, after I prayed. The thunder and lightning very soft. It was very loud before I started praying. That's morning call 1. To wake me up for school and to pray for the nation. Then came my Dad screaming at my sis 6.10 still haven't wake up. I was like. Right no need to scare me right. I was like in the room too. Give me a shock. Then sleep. Then at 6.50 u know what happened. The telephone rang in my house for so so long. My mom was bathing in the toilet. So I had to wake up in my sleepiness to answer that call. To take stuff from my sis. Then, I got so like irritated. Why. this morning was just special. Because I decided to buy back bus concession. u see to get to sch. MRT is always a faster way. But I've got a straight bus. But it's longer. I guess God trying to make me move faster. Because I'm lazy in the mornings. So I woke up early did my BSF. I completed it. that's like a lot and are tough questions. Then off to school. Lecture. I did not sleep. Amazing again. Half the time Samantha is sleeping. Because it's boring. God can I have more of such lectures ? Then, I guess I went for a charity concert. Because rahs. performed a capella in school today. I watched ppl do magic. I love it. Especially the more pro magician which do a higher end magic. But they are all tricks though. But I'm curious. God was there with me when a band played. satanic band I think or whatever. God was shielding me I guess. Protecting me. But I fear God leave me. Like lose the relationship I have with Him now. It's like no one can understand this kind of happiness I have. God and I are best friends, best Father and daughter . Teaches me a lot of things. That I guess, I love God really a lot. I learnt today something new. OBEY GOD even it is going to hurt ppl around. But God will take good care of them just like when Abraham obeyed and chased Hagar and Ishmael away. God cared for them. So, God just want u to be an OBEDIENT child. (:

here u go. Obey.

today, I'm a happy girl. I'm a really happy girl today. No matter how sticky I am to God. God is always there holding me. I would say I'm very annoying to God I feel. Because every little thing. I'll tell him. Why what .. Basically anything anyone could ever think of. I guess. Since the 2 weeks break till now. I'm seeking and learning from Him. But I always feels that He don't really love me. Because I cant feel it. But I actually know He does. Then today, I went for prayer in the room. Very weird. A.cecilia ask me to go. So I was like ok. lets go. so went in. I'm the youngest. So I prayed together with them. Interceding for the people. It's really amazing. The Spirit was moving around when we were praying. Then, they prayed for me. Then u.andrew said God is very happy with me. That makes my day ok? I'm like. yay! haha. Because it was spot on. I've been quiet and in stillness these few weeks seeking him, yearning for him. God said I will speak wisdom. That's quite out for me. Because, I love to talk nonsense but I guess. Somehow through my nonsense will become wisdom. But whatever it is. I've grown really close to God. I'll be upset when God is not around. I've been feeling for this country called EAST TIMOR. The poorest asia country. Seems like God reminding me of this country. I need to go there at least once. I don't know I feel led to go. Do pray for me that I'll have holidays on 22 - 29 Dec. That I could spend this christmas there with the people in Timor. I wish to go for Joshua 21. so remember to pray for me. I feel that.fasting makes me give in to temptations easily. and unknowningly, that's how temptations can be so quiet and you just give in without knowing. So becareful of temptations in this world. so many. Let me tell you something. I cannot believe it. But I guess I believe. There was once this week on the bus. I like nv think of God. He's my no.1 pirority everyday now. Quiet Time is the first thing I do. Like when I get home. Despite my work and all. Is QT. confirm even test and all. The very thing I do is to seek God. Then on the bus right. I saw God's reflection. I was like eh. That looks like Him. Then, it disappeared. It's a split second thing. It was on TV mobile at the side. My reaction was like eh. Then ppl arnd looked at me for a while. Then I was like right that was God. Then I started to pray. I've been doing very weird things lately. When I see someone in need I'll pray for the person. They are all strangers by the way. Today I saw a vision. I saw God holding a baby in His arms close. He showed me the baby's face and then took him back into his arms. I was like oh. cool.so sweet the baby. But I'm not sure if heard the right thing. But maybe not. so I wont say it. alright. I've got a lot to say. I'm going to be a PRAYER WARRIOR from now on. For those don't know. I hate praying. seriously. if you ever know me. I pray 5 mins at home only. haha. but now. It's increasing. Yesterday, me and sharon fast lunch. I was really hungry really want to eat. Both of us when it was 6 . We were at hans eating western food. try it man. if you want to skip meals. do it for God don't do it like trying to slim down. it's a waste. haha. A verse touched me yesterday. However, as it is written. No eyes has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. 1 cor 2
:9 That's the verse if you followed your 40 day fast is on the 8 jul page. I've been following it faithfully :) I like what they says in there. Really are all Singapore problems. The sins we always commit. Individualism. It's not about us anymore. Ppl. It's about GOD GOD and GOD. whatever it is. If you want to show off how good you are your whatever. That you can show it all to people by performing in church. No, it's so wrong. It's about giving Him your all. Not to show off. Get it right? people. it's really no longer my way our way but is His WAY. for there is only ONE WAY. God is the way the truth and the life. so He's the ONLY way. I really talk too much.ok. a lot of things God did. A lot of things I did what I guess God wants. I'm skipping trainings. haha. I am. actually it's a good idea that someone gave to do my role as treasurer and skip all my trainings. bravo. it's a great solution. no need to go think too much. Love you Lord. people walk with God. don't indulge into individualism. if you want to show off. show off Your God. Boast God to your friends people. That's the thing you can boast. He's awesome. I need guidance. somebody help me ok? I want to go to streets and do evangelism again. I did it once till now I've stopped. I want to do it for God again. :)

grey skies
raindrops dropping
sitting by the window
looking at cars passing by

sometimes. I wonder if I tolerated enough. Because faith in ppl just kept slipping away in silence. Well, I pretend not to know it. But I knew it was happening. One after another. Sometimes, people just do the same things over and over again. They seems not to know it. But I won't bother to go and tell them anymore. Because I'll be wasting my time. I guess. Promises are not true. When they said something they will do and not do it. I guess I'm so used to it. Uncountable times people do such things. In pretence, they know. Do they really know. I doubt they dont. I was pondering about some stuff yesterday. I guess, I know I should not be thinking about that but yet I kept thinking. Sometimes, just so upset with people who are fake again. Why am I thinking about such stupid stuff I seriously wonder. But it's ok. I'm alive and I still hang on to God. I guess the goal by the end of the year of regaining faith in people is impossible. People just keep doing it again and again. Ok. that's it. bye

i started fasting today. The first day I fast. I fasted from say 11 to 3 p.m... No lunch. I feel like crap. I'm like tempted. I wanted to eat but I kept saying sam. u are on a fast. haha. it's so dumb. I ate with cheryl at 3. I wonder if that was considered a fast. I prayed on the train when I went to meet Cheryl for the youths and all. I think it was a good as in to fast and be reminded to pray for people. I prayed for one of my friends who I do not know but his name and whatever have been appearing to me like every other day. I've never talk to him in fact well, i guess it was only like in Jan. for once for a few minutes only. that's all. Cheryl's run is over. tired. so I did not go for training. what an excuse. I'm so tired. Shopping consecutively for 2 days are really tiring. And my seniors who graduated are all going into army. sigh. lack of motivation to run. They've been encouraging me. Thank you u ppl. God is right. No matter what u do. Do not give up. I wanted to give up doing videos and design. because I hate things to be edited. Because that means I've done a bad job and I'll feel rejected. But I guess. God is right. It's dumb to give up for such a dumb reason. God thank you. You showed me another picture when we were worshipping. I was afraid. The picture shows I was hiding in a corner near a wall. Hiding there and crying. squatting. then u came over and pulled me to You. God, that's another vision u gave and show me that you're there with me in sadness when I'm afraid. thank you Lord.

On second thoughts. It'll be great if I have training like yesterday. So motivating. that there are people around cheering you on to run. Training is like so demoralizing nowadays because you do and people wont be like there to support except say my club president he will. But others I doubt.alright my blogging season have went down. Nothing interesting as yet. alright I'm off. I've got to do my project.

samsam
Ngee Ann
love de-sign
psalms 27:4

a lady that is striving to dwell in the house of the Lord
who is learning to see God's greater purpose for her
who wakes up and learns to be thankful for her blessings

I'm back again. something is not right with me.But I have no idea what. But yes, recently. I can cry for no particular reason. Getting upset with stuff that no one will find it sad. I cant describe it man. I've given up on guitar but there's always this song that will let me have a spark to pick up the guitar to play. That's God of Wonders. I think it is one of the most beautiful songs written.

I'm going to switch to MUGGING MODE today onwards if I want to run for IVP. this is not going to be easy to balance training with studies and time with God. sigh. I'm losing passion already. I must LOVE his word.mug mug mug with all the goodies I bought. I just gotta learn to smile. I'm losing it again. something is so not right.

on the bus thinking. then thoughts flew in not by chance from God. He said. ' I will strengthen and support this cell. Bracing through all difficulties. All will be back.' cool. right. But dang. still upset. heh. that will be very long for all to be back for cell. That's like ages. I should not doubt God though. But that's like very hard. I've become stoney. erika noticed I wasn't quite right today. Kept asking are u ok are u ok? I guess I am not right man. sigh. just felt so like asking WHY WHY WHY. but no one gives an answer like duh. I wont ask God why ? because I've learnt to ask why He do things that way. Because of Jeremiah 29:11. So I'll not ask Him. not to question God.

Whether God give me a divine appointment or what. i met jerald my track president. he looks so tired and sad. I feel very sorry. I am sorry sorry. I meant it. I've giving a lot of reasons to not run. IVP. But God said Yes. And I'm going back. But to me I dont feel Ok. I'm afraid I'll use it as a stupid thing to hide from everyone. Saying I'm busy dont disturb me. And all. Whatever la. But the reason for me to go training is to vent my anger on whatever I've hid in my heart. and let it out during running. Because I do know God is still healing my already broken heart. He is still healing it since church camp. God I'm just argh. Dunno why I'm frustrated with myself.

Well, I'm going back to run. Pray that all go well. Pray that I'll be HAPPIER. which I'm so not. i need to be alone for a while. I guess.

sigh.
I'm upset again. whatever it is. I know something is crumbling but no matter how people tries. It just cant be done. Only God can do it. I asked so many times God still refuse to tell me... sheesh. I need another retreat on saturday. Botanical Gardens. I just want to sit on that green field and look at the sky. Asking God. I have a sudden emotion swing. From a happy and making noise. Suddenly when this word come to my mind. Everything starts to crumble and fall. I did not want to do anything. All I wanted to do was to hide. well, it's my cell. Don't know why either. I want to hide from it but I do know something. forget it. I will write it on the other blog. whatever it is. I'll start buying candles when I'm upset. one upset one candle. perfect. at least not so painful after buying candles. :) bye.

boo. sigh. stress level rising already. I'm a lazy pig. hah. no.1 I refuse to do my work. For I dont know what reason. seriously. I'm a slacker la. hee. well I'll mug soon. my week I would say an interesting week. For I do not want to share yet. I'll share it in cell. what a roller coaster ride this week. and seriously flash irritates me. argh. I'll get it done somehow even if I become a panda tonight. whatever it takes.

I actually long to run.
But I've been refraining myself.
God it's hard. If that's what You want.
I'll do just that.

- crossroads.

why is it so easy to be down
why is this world such a drown
why are people like this
i just dont have the answer

God these tests you are putting me through, only bring tears to myself. To be like job. It's hard. I realised. But I know you are answering my prayer of wanting to be like Job. To rejoice in You. When all things fail. I just got to say YES to you. my attachment sounds like a bad place but it is confirmed it's your will for me. God I'll do as You say. But Lord, I see that as a mission field then a work field. A mission for me to pray for people. God you put me there for a very good reason. But I do not what mission you have for me. Father, I can only pray that things can just go on fine. No matter upset, or when I think of quitting or losing my hope, faith in people. Teach me not to, because this world is coming to an end. God I want to see all the people around me in heaven. I know it may not be the case.Father, it's painful. this week, I only know it was a painful week. God turn it around next week.

I need to learn to breathe with God. (:

upset
once again.
God is putting me through tests.
sigh.

Well, what I'm upset about is that I hope all starSfish people come for cell. But of course. that's hope. But God, I'll just have to keep praying and God you will do the rest right. God gave me a suprise today. haha. He knows I'm really upset. Again I was grieved but I guess. that's what I'm called to be. I won't say why and all. But thanks to my darlings. joyce, camen and of course dearest Jasmine. heh. they are all involved in my process of painting my nails. My nails are cute and pretty. Black nails with 2 flowers on it. Beautiful. this made my day!! haha. pretty nails. tml there's Life meeting. Big wide smile. heh. my dearest classmates wants me to go get contact lense. hmm. not a bad idea. starting attachment soon. they called me but I got class. They didn't get back to me. I'm sure they will call again soon. :) God loves me and I love Him. Do you love Him?

This story already has a star.
This star is not you and I.
God is the star.

an amazing night

I struggled. last night I went for gen12ii thanksgiving. Met asriel and joshua. I learnt that evangelism should be a lifestyle. it hit me. It's not easy let it be a lifestyle. Then thinking of how God brought me there just to tell me this. Thank you Lord. I still got home somehow because I had to go to dhoby ghaut. somehow. NEL trouble yea. Heh. Like I am supposed to speak to this guy whom I know I have to. When I was talking to someone on msn i was like. God wants me to speak to him. once after the enter. He was pop up again at msn. Right. I don't know Father. You are testing me. Testing the faith. I thought I could not do it. But we hit off really well. Because he is a christian learning to walk with God. Trying hard. So somehow. We talked. Because I refused. But I guess in Job it says. Testing of faith to come forth as gold or something. Father, this is really testing. I really thought it was weird and awkward. Thank you for making it so fine. thank you God. Teach me what you want me to share with him. God lead me and guide me. Doing His will is so beautiful. How unglam or whatsoever. No need to care anymore. I guess God is teaching me to do this as a start. Next time when I'm suppose to share or talk to anyone. I will have a courage to do it. Thank you LORD. Amazing father. I love You Lord. (:

God turned the grey skies blue

I'm fortunate.
I grew up in this big city.
On the bus.
Passing by the streets
Drove past the binding lights.
that's the city I grew up in. :)

I need to Thank God. TODAY another HAPPY DAY!. Though I wept and wept. A.erika prayed for me and said she sees a weeping girl. yea. That's like the same as the last time. I am grieved easily. When I see people so poor thing. That this young people do not know God. That's an urge that I'll explode and go forth and do street e. But of course, I've never done that. I thought God was preparing me to take me home but I guess it's a satan's attack. I hate it. Dumb things I did. God said love your enemies. I tried praying for satan that he'll change and ask God to forgive him. Obviously. this is stupid and it don't work so people you no need to waste time and get yourself into trouble . so just keep scolding satan if he put negative thoughts into your mind. Things cleared for me. Spiritual side. I coughed out all that need to be removed.

Then God answered a deep desire of my heart. I met a graphic designer from the states. then I asked Dad to let me go to nafa to do part time course in de-signing. He said Yes. Goodness. Dad thank you. You know why I find it so amazing. Because he thinks i am hopeless in art. that i cant do it. but Dad I want to show you that de-signing is something God gave.

off to orchard shopping had a great time with sharon. then we went to apple outlet. because I insisted. I met someone. sheesh. I don't want to meet him or see him one. I see him too many times. it's no longer coincidences. God teach me what to do with it. sigh. this is no joke. then I want a canon ixus and a macbook if God says Yes. because I reckon that I want to keep my memories.macbook to bring de-sign better. oh. with sharon I did a street painting. rainbowfied. sam.leo loves art. (: alright. sleep is all I need. my life is on the HIGHWAY. (:

tonight. I don't know I should have just walked the streets. like I always do. I like the time I walk past people i feel good and happy. today is crazy day. but ya. I like it (:

I want to go for a 20 week course at nafa. In the coming January. I want to learn and get a basic graphic design cert. At least I'm sure that certainly is something I definitely I always want to learn. I don't wish to work in the business sector though. I know I'm doing business. I have no idea why I'm there. But I guess. God has His reasons. In the future, I doubt I will work in such environments. I guess most likely I'll be working in the arts/creative sector. Instead of this business world. When I see no colours. stillness. black and white papers. I will faint. I love colours. simplicity. love it when I made something that can be called my own. That's de-sign. Of course, if God isn't with me and if He did not give me this gift, I won't be here. I just went to the library this explains why I'm charged up. When go to the library to borrow books. only one type of books I bring out. That's the the de-signer's manuals. that's what i call them. They are books that when I'm moody, upset and all. My eyes will sparkle when I see them. then a smile will form on a face. Then my heart become really happy. Want to know why. I see many beautiful things and colours. That's it. That will make my day alright. I'm going to read them now. blog another time.

I'm at it again. dreaming my life away. I want to study in nafa or la-salle after poly. I want to study de-sign. seriously. I really love designing. Fallen in love with it. But I guess God didn't want to put me there. Till I started poly, then I reliased there's smth called visual communications in TP. but oh well. It's over now. It doesn't matter anymore. It's a waste though. But I certainly hope to major in arts sector. I want to be a designer in the area of work in the future. I enjoy doing it. So it explains again. I'm dreaming of getting an apple laptop. Well, when do I ever stop dreaming. heh. I'll learn. not to love and place of hope on earthly things but instead on heavenly things. The flash I did yesterday was really cute. If it can be uploaded. I'll upload and let you ppl see :)

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v485/surfer14/?action=view&current=miniproject.swf&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch1

it's here. check it out. really cute and I like it (: can't wait till it is completed.

itchy hands. again. God allow the inspiration for me today. so here's my doings. I'm quite sure I can use them for my flash mini project. after so long. Now I've finally learnt how to do it. I found out. De-sign is really about simplicity. The more complex you are you are worse at it. For God is a simple God. things are simple. so don't let it be so complex. God says simple things. Just obey. Do as He says. alright. OBEDIENCE. 

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by the Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.
John 14:21

Lord I see it now. I see you everywhere. On the TV mobile bus I saw you. Father, this whole week you was teaching me about OBEDIENCE. Father, give me courage to obey you. Not to fear how people sees you but courage to do what you command. You came to save me. something someone or whatever tried to strangle and hurt me. But you came to remove it. Father you PROTECTED me. Father, what more can I say of You. You're awesome. Father. Tsunami again. Father, I pray Father you'll provide shelter for the homeless. Keep your people safe. Father, I pray for those who lost their loved ones to continue to live and not grieve too long over their loss of their family but to know the importance of walking with You. Father, You taught me too much. Not to love earthly things. I saw Daddy got a new canon ixus 60. His company gave it to him. I wanted one so much I kept whining. Doing stupid things. surfing web and all. it's dumb I know. when something is stirred up. I'll keep doing it for a period of time. However, you revealed in Your time it will be given to me if I have faith. I have to WAIT. I was like how long would it be... Must be very long. God also told me not to put our love into worldly things. But it contradicts. Father, I pray that You teach me to do what You want Lord. In Jesus name, AMEN. (:

this week eventful. very eventful with God. Life is v. interesting with God around. Because He is amazing God. He's been with me for all day. Lord you know my desire to go to east timor. To preach your gospel to the unsaved. Lord, I pray that You'll bring me there if it is your desire for me to go. Lord, I'm willing to sacriface my Christmas for You. Not to be doing for my own desire but to do Your work. To minister to these people. Father, I'm set on the mind of giving up my Christmas for You. But perhaps I won't be around ? Because I don't know. This thought have been coming to my mind. To write letters for people around me. As if I'm leaving this world. Don't know why I feel like that. I got to pray over it. Perhaps it's the satan telling me such things. But I seriously don't really bother over it. But it sounds wrong that satan would be telling me to write letters to my loved ones. I'm just going to give it to God and ask Him about it. Lord, I really want to go to East Timor on 22 - 29 dec. This is the 2nd year that I've been wanting to go. Father, please. God answered my prayer today. On the bus, it was cold so cold. I was wearing a jacket but my hands are still cold. so I prayed that the spirit will give me warmth. soon my hands don't feel cold anymore. Lord you are a mystery and a wonderful Father. But God you're always behind and with me all day. Thank you Lord.

- God loves u and I !

hmm. I had a very interesting morning with God. I woke up 3 times altogether. God knows I cannot wake up and will be late. at 5 a.m Morning Call 1. Thunder and Lightning. So loud. I wake up. But reluctant cover my ears sleep. But I ask God what do u want. I want to sleep. Then I heard to pray for Singapore. I was like at all times. I disturb my Father in Heaven, so He does the same. haha. but finally after a few minutes of shutting my eyes. I lay down and prayed for the nation. Then miraculously, after I prayed. The thunder and lightning very soft. It was very loud before I started praying. That's morning call 1. To wake me up for school and to pray for the nation. Then came my Dad screaming at my sis 6.10 still haven't wake up. I was like. Right no need to scare me right. I was like in the room too. Give me a shock. Then sleep. Then at 6.50 u know what happened. The telephone rang in my house for so so long. My mom was bathing in the toilet. So I had to wake up in my sleepiness to answer that call. To take stuff from my sis. Then, I got so like irritated. Why. this morning was just special. Because I decided to buy back bus concession. u see to get to sch. MRT is always a faster way. But I've got a straight bus. But it's longer. I guess God trying to make me move faster. Because I'm lazy in the mornings. So I woke up early did my BSF. I completed it. that's like a lot and are tough questions. Then off to school. Lecture. I did not sleep. Amazing again. Half the time Samantha is sleeping. Because it's boring. God can I have more of such lectures ? Then, I guess I went for a charity concert. Because rahs. performed a capella in school today. I watched ppl do magic. I love it. Especially the more pro magician which do a higher end magic. But they are all tricks though. But I'm curious. God was there with me when a band played. satanic band I think or whatever. God was shielding me I guess. Protecting me. But I fear God leave me. Like lose the relationship I have with Him now. It's like no one can understand this kind of happiness I have. God and I are best friends, best Father and daughter . Teaches me a lot of things. That I guess, I love God really a lot. I learnt today something new. OBEY GOD even it is going to hurt ppl around. But God will take good care of them just like when Abraham obeyed and chased Hagar and Ishmael away. God cared for them. So, God just want u to be an OBEDIENT child. (:

here u go. Obey.

today, I'm a happy girl. I'm a really happy girl today. No matter how sticky I am to God. God is always there holding me. I would say I'm very annoying to God I feel. Because every little thing. I'll tell him. Why what .. Basically anything anyone could ever think of. I guess. Since the 2 weeks break till now. I'm seeking and learning from Him. But I always feels that He don't really love me. Because I cant feel it. But I actually know He does. Then today, I went for prayer in the room. Very weird. A.cecilia ask me to go. So I was like ok. lets go. so went in. I'm the youngest. So I prayed together with them. Interceding for the people. It's really amazing. The Spirit was moving around when we were praying. Then, they prayed for me. Then u.andrew said God is very happy with me. That makes my day ok? I'm like. yay! haha. Because it was spot on. I've been quiet and in stillness these few weeks seeking him, yearning for him. God said I will speak wisdom. That's quite out for me. Because, I love to talk nonsense but I guess. Somehow through my nonsense will become wisdom. But whatever it is. I've grown really close to God. I'll be upset when God is not around. I've been feeling for this country called EAST TIMOR. The poorest asia country. Seems like God reminding me of this country. I need to go there at least once. I don't know I feel led to go. Do pray for me that I'll have holidays on 22 - 29 Dec. That I could spend this christmas there with the people in Timor. I wish to go for Joshua 21. so remember to pray for me. I feel that.fasting makes me give in to temptations easily. and unknowningly, that's how temptations can be so quiet and you just give in without knowing. So becareful of temptations in this world. so many. Let me tell you something. I cannot believe it. But I guess I believe. There was once this week on the bus. I like nv think of God. He's my no.1 pirority everyday now. Quiet Time is the first thing I do. Like when I get home. Despite my work and all. Is QT. confirm even test and all. The very thing I do is to seek God. Then on the bus right. I saw God's reflection. I was like eh. That looks like Him. Then, it disappeared. It's a split second thing. It was on TV mobile at the side. My reaction was like eh. Then ppl arnd looked at me for a while. Then I was like right that was God. Then I started to pray. I've been doing very weird things lately. When I see someone in need I'll pray for the person. They are all strangers by the way. Today I saw a vision. I saw God holding a baby in His arms close. He showed me the baby's face and then took him back into his arms. I was like oh. cool.so sweet the baby. But I'm not sure if heard the right thing. But maybe not. so I wont say it. alright. I've got a lot to say. I'm going to be a PRAYER WARRIOR from now on. For those don't know. I hate praying. seriously. if you ever know me. I pray 5 mins at home only. haha. but now. It's increasing. Yesterday, me and sharon fast lunch. I was really hungry really want to eat. Both of us when it was 6 . We were at hans eating western food. try it man. if you want to skip meals. do it for God don't do it like trying to slim down. it's a waste. haha. A verse touched me yesterday. However, as it is written. No eyes has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. 1 cor 2
:9 That's the verse if you followed your 40 day fast is on the 8 jul page. I've been following it faithfully :) I like what they says in there. Really are all Singapore problems. The sins we always commit. Individualism. It's not about us anymore. Ppl. It's about GOD GOD and GOD. whatever it is. If you want to show off how good you are your whatever. That you can show it all to people by performing in church. No, it's so wrong. It's about giving Him your all. Not to show off. Get it right? people. it's really no longer my way our way but is His WAY. for there is only ONE WAY. God is the way the truth and the life. so He's the ONLY way. I really talk too much.ok. a lot of things God did. A lot of things I did what I guess God wants. I'm skipping trainings. haha. I am. actually it's a good idea that someone gave to do my role as treasurer and skip all my trainings. bravo. it's a great solution. no need to go think too much. Love you Lord. people walk with God. don't indulge into individualism. if you want to show off. show off Your God. Boast God to your friends people. That's the thing you can boast. He's awesome. I need guidance. somebody help me ok? I want to go to streets and do evangelism again. I did it once till now I've stopped. I want to do it for God again. :)

grey skies
raindrops dropping
sitting by the window
looking at cars passing by

sometimes. I wonder if I tolerated enough. Because faith in ppl just kept slipping away in silence. Well, I pretend not to know it. But I knew it was happening. One after another. Sometimes, people just do the same things over and over again. They seems not to know it. But I won't bother to go and tell them anymore. Because I'll be wasting my time. I guess. Promises are not true. When they said something they will do and not do it. I guess I'm so used to it. Uncountable times people do such things. In pretence, they know. Do they really know. I doubt they dont. I was pondering about some stuff yesterday. I guess, I know I should not be thinking about that but yet I kept thinking. Sometimes, just so upset with people who are fake again. Why am I thinking about such stupid stuff I seriously wonder. But it's ok. I'm alive and I still hang on to God. I guess the goal by the end of the year of regaining faith in people is impossible. People just keep doing it again and again. Ok. that's it. bye

i started fasting today. The first day I fast. I fasted from say 11 to 3 p.m... No lunch. I feel like crap. I'm like tempted. I wanted to eat but I kept saying sam. u are on a fast. haha. it's so dumb. I ate with cheryl at 3. I wonder if that was considered a fast. I prayed on the train when I went to meet Cheryl for the youths and all. I think it was a good as in to fast and be reminded to pray for people. I prayed for one of my friends who I do not know but his name and whatever have been appearing to me like every other day. I've never talk to him in fact well, i guess it was only like in Jan. for once for a few minutes only. that's all. Cheryl's run is over. tired. so I did not go for training. what an excuse. I'm so tired. Shopping consecutively for 2 days are really tiring. And my seniors who graduated are all going into army. sigh. lack of motivation to run. They've been encouraging me. Thank you u ppl. God is right. No matter what u do. Do not give up. I wanted to give up doing videos and design. because I hate things to be edited. Because that means I've done a bad job and I'll feel rejected. But I guess. God is right. It's dumb to give up for such a dumb reason. God thank you. You showed me another picture when we were worshipping. I was afraid. The picture shows I was hiding in a corner near a wall. Hiding there and crying. squatting. then u came over and pulled me to You. God, that's another vision u gave and show me that you're there with me in sadness when I'm afraid. thank you Lord.

On second thoughts. It'll be great if I have training like yesterday. So motivating. that there are people around cheering you on to run. Training is like so demoralizing nowadays because you do and people wont be like there to support except say my club president he will. But others I doubt.alright my blogging season have went down. Nothing interesting as yet. alright I'm off. I've got to do my project.

your tagboard area. :D

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